Broken Body

I really wanted to write a really good blog entry today, but I'm sorry if this one isn't up to par. I'm exhausted, like you don't even know how physically exhausted I am. I got something like ten hours of sleep last night, and then slept another four hours over the course of five naps throughout the day. Since it's now 4:30, evening will be starting soon (if it hasn't already) and I'm going to do my best to stay awake until near bedtime.

Why am I so physically exhausted? Well, I'm building a Halo Battle Rifle out of an airsoft gun. It's pretty epic.

But that's not why I'm tired, it's just a part of it. I'm tired because for about four hours yesterday, I was out in the garage making the parts I needed for my battle rifle. Despite the fact I do everything in my power to keep the garage clean enough to work in, my dad does not. In fact, my dad has this horrible tendency to take all the tools he'd dragged out to do whatever with, and then pile them in the first open spot he can find whenever he's finished. And he wonders why he can never find his tools, gosh. He also fills the garage so full of clutter and junk that you cannot walk through it without pulling out at least six stacks of whatever.

Now, it would just be irritating if I could move all that stuff out of the garage, put away his tools, and clear me a place to work without actually draining my energy. However, being that I have Muscular Dystrophy, and get tired quickly when walking or standing, I have to dedicate an entire week to get one morning with the space and tools I need to build, invent, fix or tinker properly. I don't mean it takes me that long to get enough of the garage clean to do my thing. I mean that once I've cleared away a tiny workspace, I've already exhausted at least half my energy for the entire day and by that point, I'm committed to doing what I'd set out to.

So today, I'm exhausted. My legs have been hurting and twitching all day, and I can barely walk, and as I mentioned earlier, I've been unable to stay awake. Apparently I looked so bad last night, my mom decided to make me a huge protein-filled breakfast this morning...she went overboard, not that I'm inappreciative.

But yeah, while I was awake today, I spent the day listening to my favorite Christian rock bands, and playing video games. Mostly, I spent sleeping.

If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go sleep again.

Unsure of the meaning

Although this blog probably makes it look like I know what I'm talking about when it comes to what the Bible says, I'd like to make it clear I don't understand everything in the Bible. I don't mean little things like who possibly could have found Cain after he killed Abel. I'm talking about some specific things Jesus did.

Why, for instance, did Jesus command some of the people he healed to go tell people about the miracle that he'd performed and then why did he tell some of the others not to? Me personally, I would think God would be glorified every time someone told about Jesus healing them by the power of God. This question matters to me if only because I feel what God has done for me through my disability is my way of telling people about my faith; my disability is also the reason for my faith.

Look at the story of the deaf and mute man in Mark 7. Jesus came to a region known as the Ten Cities (not unlike the region I personally live in, known locally as the Seven Cities). A few people brought a man to Jesus who couldn't hear and who could barely talk. They were convinced if Jesus touched the man, he would hear and talk.

Jesus took the man aside, putting some space between him and the crowd, and he healed him by sticking his fingers in his ears and spitting on his tongue. When I read this part today, I had a dyslexic moment and I thought I was seeing Jesus give the guy a wet-willy, but alas, it was just a miracle.

I think Jesus was getting a little exasperated by this point, you know, having already healed so many people. Maybe these people didn't really care about their friend but they just wanted to see the only deaf guy they knew healed as a parlor trick. It might explain why Jesus sighed.

Tadaa! The man could hear and talk now!

The next verses seem almost counter-intuitive; Jesus commanded them not to tell anyone, but the more he did so, the more they kept talking about it. I had a hard time with this, because here, Jesus just gave a dude the ability to speak, and it felt like he was saying right afterwards, "Oh, by the way, don't tell anyone what I just did for you." It seems like this because the previous paragraph ended while talking about the man who received his hearing and ability to speak, so naturally one assumes the paragraph following that sentence would relate to him.

You have to look back at verse 32 and then at the next verse to realize that the ambiguous pronoun "them" is probably talking about the crowd of people who'd brought the man to Jesus, not necessarily the man. Yes, Jesus is amazing, but because the people were swooning that Jesus was able to work his magic on a deaf guy, well, it sounds an awful lot like Dean Cain from "Ripley's Believe It or Not" was somewhere nearby.

Because it's not immediately apparent what Jesus said to the person he'd helped, it's feasible Jesus hadn't told him to keep quiet. I still don't understand why Jesus tells some miracle recipients not to tell the world what happened, but God helped me see today that in this case, it was the man's friends who were shushed.

A change in tone, a change in life

Recently, Hollywood produced an intense thriller/horror movie titled "Legion." Although I didn't see the film myself, I can tell you from the trailers what inspired the name. Unless I'm mistaken, the movie was about demons and the coming of Christ/the apocalypse. Assuming I'm correct, I'd postulate the story was named after the demons whom once had possessed a man during Jesus' day; together, all the demons called themselves Legion.

This story appears in three of the four gospels but I think Mark showed it nicely.

The man possessed by Legion lived in the outskirts of Gerasenes and his story is important because it shows the difference in a person's life after an encounter with Jesus.

Sometimes, it's easy to dismiss a person's testimony as valid or worthwhile because we just don't think they were a bad enough person--but oh how in awe of God we stand when a former drag queen or heroin junkie shares what God has done for them. With this guy, we not only see how low on the social totem pole he was, but we can also see ourselves down there with him.

This man had problems. He avoided people as much as he could, shown by his living in a graveyard of all places, and when he did run into someone at the market or wherever, he had a tendency to get arrested. When his hands and feet would be chained, he found ways to break free, usually by wrestling with his restraints and those trying to subdue him until he finally broke loose. In other words, he was one of those crazy people who would get jabbed with a sedative even while he was in a straight jacket. From a secular standpoint, it's not clear what was making him looney but maybe he was doping up on some opium or he spent too much time picking the weed from the wheat.

As if his bad trips or psychotic episodes weren't enough, this guy was clinically depressed. All day, he'd cry and moan and wail in despair, and when his situation was more than he could bear (which it usually was), he would carve his own flesh for the sake of relief. That's right, he was a cutter, and he might even have been suicidal.

Note the change in the next verses. While the previous ones described habitual actions, the next few describe one brief interaction with Jesus. That's all it takes for those who are willing to change.

When the man was at his lowest point, at his darkest hour, that's when he found hope. From a distance, he saw Jesus and something deep inside him stirred. Like many of us, the man was afraid of the bubbling sensation welling up in the pit of his stomach, the goosebumps prickling the hairs on his arms and legs, and the helplessness he felt as the last remnants of his former self gurgled down the drain. He reacted in anger and confusion, pleading to know why Jesus would want a wretch like him.

And Jesus gave him the power to change from the wild, uncontrollable beast he had been before. He cast out the demon.

But the man didn't struggle with just one demon; there were many. The same is true for us because there's never just one area of our life that needs work, one sin that needs repenting from.

Because of the power of Jesus, the man's problems went away. His insanity and self-worth issues drowned entirely, and he found healing in Jesus. He put on clothes and he turned his life around entirely, a complete about-face.

When a person accepts Jesus into their life, the person they become is a stark contrast to the person they were. When people see this, they talk amongst themselves, and slowly, they are curious about what happened. It startles many people to see that Jesus turned the sinner they knew into the saint they see, even today.

People never know how to react when they encounter Jesus' great love and power, so they do the only thing they know how. They drive Jesus away, in the case of this man, literally, but in our lives, we see them try to push Jesus out of the picture by tempting us with the sin that dominates their lives. Sin separates us from God, and remember that it was while the man was still living in sin that he was at distance from Jesus.

The man, like anyone who has experienced Jesus one-on-one, craved more. He was on top of the world, and as far as he was concerned, Jesus was the way, the truth, and the life. The passion the man showed is characteristic of all recent converts, and for many believers, it's as inspiring as it is humbling. If only we could reignite the fire we had when we first believed, we'd be so much happier with where God leads us.

Jesus told the man to go tell his story, being sure to include how much the Lord did for him, and how God had mercy on him. Interestingly, Jesus didn't tell the man to go to church on Sundays, or to worship him or any of that jazz. He just instructed the dude to share his testimony.

The instructions Jesus gave apply to us also. Because we have been forgiven and cleansed of our many, many sins, we are obligated to tell our family and friends what God has done in our lives. We don't need some big long sermon about repentance or salvation. All we need to do to share the good news in which we place our faith, is to look at what God has done in our own life. No one can tell you your testimony is not true, because it's what actually happened how you believe it happened.

I bet you'll be surprised what happens when you share what God has done in your life. The people are amazed.

Spiritual Warfare

In every comic book and most movies, there's usually an epic battle of good vs evil. Most of the time, this is the foundation of the entire storyline. Sometimes however, the conflict of good vs evil takes second place to the actual story.

In the Bible is a clear picture of the battle between good and evil, or more specifically between God and Satan. Unlike most examples of good-vs-evil, the Bible does not revolve around it. The conflict of good and evil in the Bible is superceded by the story of God's love and compassion for everything he created.

However, because the conflict of good and evil in the Bible involves one of the parties being the creator of the universe, it goes without saying that it's not a pretty fight.

Logistically speaking, the two warring armies are set up similarly. On God's side, there's God the Father at the top, then Jesus just below him as the Commander of the Lord's Army, which I'm like ninety percent sure is composed of angels and all born-again believers.

On the dark side, there's the accuser/deceiver (aka Satan), his demons, and every human they can get to sin and thus forsake God. Interestingly, and tragically, even born-again believers are used by Satan to attack God, because though our sins are forgiven we've not been made into sinless beings yet.

It's horrible to think about, but in that respect, we're like double agents who work for both sides simultaneously. Or, it's like we're out there on the battlefield with Jesus and his entire army, and while we're in the midst of the fray, we randomly shank our battle buddy. Metaphorically speaking, that's what happens every time we falter in our walk.

A common tactic used by Satan's forces is to slam us with circumstances beyond our control, such as physical illness, financial distress, marital problems, etc. Each of these things has the potential to force us to question God, or take control of our lives, or to put it more simply, to sin. Yet, Satan was defeated before he even got going.

Obviously, the true Christian's ultimate goal is to be close to God, not to be outwitted by the devil's schemes. As soldiers on the battlefield right now, it is imperative that we endure whatever struggles we're facing and keep our eyes on God, that he may be a banner to guide us, a flag to which we owe our allegiance.

Marines don't get deployed to the Sandbox without a rifle, a Kevlar vest, and a helmet. If they've got so much armor to confront a mere terrorist, God's soldiers need even more to take on Satan and his forces of evil. When we get shot at, we need the full protection of God's armor, not only to survive the fight but to hold down the fort.

Our utility belt comes from the truth of God, and our flak jacket is a life that reflects Jesus. Protecting our feet are the combat boots ready to step where God tells us. A soldier needs faith in his air support, so that when he's being shot at from all directions he can keep his focus, knowing an Apache helicopter will take care of the enemy's bullets.

Any soldier will tell you, your helmet is your salvation and you always take it with you, the same goes for your rifle. As soldiers of God, our M16 is our Bible. While on patrol, a soldier's job is to remain alert and radio the commanding officer about whatever is happening. From the moment we accept Christ, we're all on patrol.

I hope this blog entry will help inspire at least one person to fight the good fight.

God Created Women Too

Lots of people wrongfully claim the Bible does not advocate feminism, and some might even go as far as to say it mandates male dominance. Yes, it's true some parts of the Bible have a distinctly masculine flair to them, especially to our modern grasp of what was written. That being said, the apparent repression of women in the Bible can usually be attributed to the patriarchal cultures in which the Bible was written; because of the way their society was set up, of course they leaned away from what we would call a feminist perspective.

That is not to say that women were valued any less as people.

Perhaps one reason people assume the Bible represses women is because they often look at the role of both men and women outside of the main context their roles are defined. We know that man was created in God's image, and because woman came from man, she too is a reflection of God. Together in marriage, the two roles form another reflection, this one of the Trinity of God. The man is supposed to love and serve his wife, while his wife is supposed to respect the man's authority as head of the family, yet she does this as an equal. Even together, they cannot do it without God, and so they must also invite God into their relationship.

The Trinity, made of God the Father, God the Son (Jesus), and the Holy Spirit operates in exactly the same way. While all three entities are equal in power and authority, the latter two willingly submit to the authority of God the Father. They do so out of love, even though both Jesus and the Holy Spirit are just as capable of creating the universe, performing miracles, and playing God as God the father is.

Because they are equals, and because marriage is a reflection of that, the husband and wife should also be equal to one another.

With that established, we can look at what the Bible says specifically about and towards women.

It seems, according to Isaiah 32 that both men and women, and quite possibly the relationship of the two, play a pivotal role in spreading the word about God's love. Whereas the man should walk in the Lord's footsteps, by helping the needy and living as Jesus did, the women should not be complacent when they see their families falling apart or their husbands falling to sin. In essence, they too must live for the Lord, placing God above everything else. Their reward for putting God first, an inner peace, a quiet confidence, and a secure home.

Just like the men, the women were expected to put God first. In some ways, their task was more difficult, because they not only had to keep tabs on themselves, but also on their husbands, being sure both were right with the Lord. As shown in the aforementioned chapter, men are to do the Lord's work outside the family, such as with friends, neighbors, etc, and women, it seems, should do the Lord's work predominantly with their children. In this way, neither party is being unfruitful for the Lord, and they both are expected to lay down their lives for the Lord if they have to.

This is shown again almost at the very end of the Bible. The entire book of 2 John is directed towards a lady friend of Johns. He starts out by applauding the woman's work in raising her children in the Lord. John shows us in the next sentence that women are obligated to obey the same commandments as men, that we should all love one another.

Surprisingly, there is also a warning against complacency in this letter. John warns his female friend of the deceivers out in the world, and he expressly forbids her from letting them come into her home and destroying all she'd done in the name of Christ. She is to have no part in any false teaching. None whatsoever.

While women should be gentle in nature, they have a job to do just as important as the one men have. Both men and women share in doing the Lord's work, and both men and women follow the same commandments. Both were made by God, and both serve the same God. Personally, I think that's all that matters.

Thoughts about prayer

For some reason, whenever a sunday school teacher asks if there are any volunteers to do the opening or closing prayer, I never stick my hand up.

I don't know why I'm so hesitant to pray around other people. It's weird. I don't have a problem praying for others, especially when I hear a specific prayer request or see a need for prayer in the lives of my friends, but I don't pray well in a group. Maybe I'm self-conscious or doubt I can pray in that holy prayer language pastors and certain church members have mastered. When I pray, I pray what I'm thinking, and for me, it's no less reverent to talk to God in simple words and clean slang than it is to say something "churchy".

You know what I'm talking about. Don't pretend you've never wondered if there's a Praying 101 you missed out on. It's amazing how the same churchy prayers can sound relevant in almost any situation; often, they're vague and general enough to fit

Churchy prayers are cool and all, but no one says, "we thank you for the opportunity to study your Word from the provided lesson," or "we ask that in your most Holy Name, you bless us as we fellowship together," out in the real world. I know I don't. If I were to pray churchy prayers, I believe I would be wasting God's time because such prayers wouldn't be real to me, and hence, the same would be true for God.

For the important prayers, I like to pray alone in my room with as much quiet as I can get. Even though it sounds all organized and logical when I say it like that, I assure you, my prayers are very ADHD. I don't make this huge list and knock out all my praying in one go; I stop whatever I'm doing during the day the instant I think of another major prayer need.

The reasons to pray vary. There are lots of circumstances in which prayer is appropriate, but some of the more popular ones are in times of trouble or if you or someone you love is sick. One thing worth praying for is that you might recognize opportunities to share your faith and that when the opportunity presents itself, you have the necessary courage to speak out.

It's important to pray for each other, including your family, peers, and your closest Christian friends. In fact, praying for those around will leave you feeling happier and closer to God than you would have felt otherwise.

Prayer isn't restricted to spiritual stuff. You can pray about anything that crosses your mind, be it serious or goofy.

Some of my silliest prayers are for my favorite maps in Call of Duty to come up when I play the game, or for my least favorite maps to be voted out when they come up. Believe it or not, every time I pray for either thing, God does it; some of these maps are almost always skipped, or preferred, so it's a very unlikely coincidence!

Ahem, Jesus made it clear that when you pray, if you believe, you will receive.

I'm not going to go into detail about all the big things I'm praying for right now, because that's between me and God. I would like to talk about some of the personal ones God answered for me in the past few days--sorry, no more video game prayers.

In the past week, Emerald told me she felt we needed some distance between us, breathing room, if you will. I agreed, but immediately found I was sitting at home all the time while most of my friends were at work or wherever. I was going stir crazy.

I've also been rather sad lately because of how long it had been since I'd gotten hugged by a friend or had held a girl's hand. Little things, yes, but when almost the past month was spent exhausted, I wanted nothing more. MD is very good at making me feel alone.

Choosing God rather than depression, I prayed. I think I asked for God to remind me how close my friends were to me. Also, I asked for the chance to experience a girl's affections soon, even if this girl wasn't destined to be my long term partner. I wasn't asking to be tempted by sex or a make-out session; I prayed to avoid that entirely. Female companionship, if you will.

God answered both those prayers the next day.

David spontaneously invited me over to his house for a mini video game party. There, I got to spend time with him, Crystal, and also an old French partner, Christine. It was their environment, and each of them were happy to be there. It was good to spend time around Christine again, and meet her fiancé, whom I'd heard so much about. Despite the fact that I have absolutely no skills whatsoever in Smash Brothers, I had a lot of fun.

That evening, Cherie and I had agreed to hang out. After dinner, we started talking and eventually got on the topic of her ex-boyfriends. She needed to release a lot of pent-up stress over the two of them, particularly Matt. Through her talking, I kept hugging her, and we eventually ended up sitting on the couch holding one another. At one point, she made sure I knew she didn't want to go out with me (in case we ever broke up) but when she saw I wasn't trying to ask her out, she relaxed next to me. Most of the night, we spent watching two soccer matches and talking about what a butthead Matt was.

She told me she is normally bored out of her mind during the day (since she works weekends), and we made plans to start hanging out all the time until the end of summer.

I'm not sure whether to give God a standing ovation or to bow down before his amazingness.

Love is all you need

If God is love, then it's true, love really is all you need.

Bear in mind, there's a difference between real, biblical love, and the popular definition of love used by today's society, cupid, and highschoolers.

Although Paul's explanation of love covers a lot of what would constitute a happy romance, nowhere in that entire chapter on love, is it specified that love is only for couples. The truth is his words on love can be applied to all circumstances where love is required.

My buddy Jesus taught entire sermons around one statement, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and love your neighbor as yourself." The only way we can show we love God is to walk in obedience to his commandments, by a conscious choice. The most important commandment is of course to love the Lord, but the next one echoes what Jesus said about loving your neighbor.

Before you start thinking your neighbor is the shmuck next door (or across the street if you need to gossip), you should understand who else we're told to love. For one, Jesus taught that we need to love our enemies and pray for those who mistreat us. True, "enemies" is such a strong word, (in this context meaning the Greek word echthros; a foe, adversary, or one who gives reason for enmity or hatred--thanks Emerald! Love the concordance!), and most of us just aren't lucky enough to have any enemies. We can't all know supervillians, unfortunately. So, for those of us sans enemies, there's always the friend or brother or in-law who does something that drives us up the wall. If you love him/her, forgive them.

While we're talking about love, I'd also like to bring up love's superlative, that is, the most love you can ever show and the most love ever shown. If you love someone, you are willing to sacrifice everything for them, be it your social life, your physical strength, your money, or whatever. But, the biggest sacrifice you can make for love is to forfeit your own life for someone's benefit or protection. That's one reason I have such a profound respect for soldiers and sailors, but of course only one reason.

Back to what I was saying, the biggest demonstration of love ever shown was when Jesus died on the cross. Nothing tops that.

It's encouraging to remember what Jesus did for us, isn't it? Nothing can get me down when I'm thinking that, and I pray that for any one who reads this, they might find the same comfort, the same solidarity, the same hope.