Phosphofructokinase deficiency, that's my official diagnosis.
In medical terms, this type of Muscular Dystrophy means my body lacks the enzyme that breaks down glucose, therefore, I do not derive any energy from the consumption of carbohydrates. The disease is incredibly rare, requiring both parents to carry the gene even if they don't show symptoms for it to pass on.
In plain old people terms, it means I get tired easily, especially when I'm walking, standing, running, etc. I can't eat pasta to run a marathon on, instead needing a high protein diet at all times. My legs, and to a lesser extent, my back are prone to random and sporadic muscle cramps, twitchiness, and general weakness. None of the medicines out there for Muscular Dystrophy help me, and I'm pretty unique in the disabled world.
Jesus was listening when I was diagnosed.
This is something I've wanted to talk to Emerald about since like two days after she and I first went out to dinner with Crystal and David. I tried a few times, but we never really had time, or if we did, it didn't feel important enough in light of what she had going on.
I think the biggest reason I've wanted to talk about it with Emerald--or any of my Christian friends, honestly--was that I've felt this obnoxious prodding deep down in my gut about how my MD affects me spiritually.
I can't deny the connection exists because, if nothing else, there's a reason I can skim through my Bible at random and notice more verses are highlighted promising strength for the weak than there are anything else. It's not like I don't know God cares for me, or that he doesn't provide the promised strength when I most need it.
For the record, he does.
It boils down to why God made me who I am. There's a reason I have Muscular Dystrophy, and as I often say when sharing my story, I thank God for it.
Still though, in rough spots with MD, it's so much harder to voice those feelings.
I wonder if that's part of the beauty of it, that when I'm physically and emotionally exhausted, people see how difficult it is for me, but my dependence on God comes out more too.
As a disabled person, wheelchair or not, I envy certain things non-disabled persons can do. I don't play sports because most of them would leave me clinically exhausted just practicing. For as long as I can remember, I've thought dancing was the most amazing thing ever, probably because I literally can't dance. Whenever someone runs anywhere, or manages to take these long strides that never seem to tire as we're walking somewhere, I am usually amazed at their step-taking ability. That, or I naturally assume they must have a ton of endurance.
Of course, it's always because they're "normal".
You can probably see I want to be like that because I'm not.
That's where God comes in.
All throughout, the Bible tells stories of miraculous healings, strength for the weary, hope for the hopeless. The Bible also promises God still is capable of such feats.
I feel this is how God has revealed himself to me.
On the days when I am just too exhausted to do it on my own, God steps in.
I cannot describe how it feels when God gives me the strength to keep standing or walking or whatever when my legs were about to give out before I prayed for help. It's like electricity pouring into a pitcher and splashing on the sides, but only in reverse and upside down. Amazing is the only word for it.
Even though I have witnessed God's healing power, I think it's at the times God gives me a strength other than the physical kind that I am closest to God.
God gave me the strength to stand up when I could not, and more than that, he gave me the strength to sit down when I would not.
That's why I believe what I do.
Deep down, I wonder how God can use my disability for his glory, but I also know he can and is.
A while back, a good friend of mine, Jevon, I shared my testimony with him. Due to the pull of the Holy Spirit calling him, he made a decision for Jesus like a month ago. I am humbled and thrilled that my story had any influence on him; every time he talked to me about it, he was moved to tears.
Then Jesus said, "Did I not tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?"
No comments:
Post a Comment