Shut Up, God's Talking.

Phosphofructokinase deficiency, that's my official diagnosis.

In medical terms, this type of Muscular Dystrophy means my body lacks the enzyme that breaks down glucose, therefore, I do not derive any energy from the consumption of carbohydrates. The disease is incredibly rare, requiring both parents to carry the gene even if they don't show symptoms for it to pass on.

In plain old people terms, it means I get tired easily, especially when I'm walking, standing, running, etc. I can't eat pasta to run a marathon on, instead needing a high protein diet at all times. My legs, and to a lesser extent, my back are prone to random and sporadic muscle cramps, twitchiness, and general weakness. None of the medicines out there for Muscular Dystrophy help me, and I'm pretty unique in the disabled world.

Jesus was listening when I was diagnosed.

This is something I've wanted to talk to Emerald about since like two days after she and I first went out to dinner with Crystal and David. I tried a few times, but we never really had time, or if we did, it didn't feel important enough in light of what she had going on.

I think the biggest reason I've wanted to talk about it with Emerald--or any of my Christian friends, honestly--was that I've felt this obnoxious prodding deep down in my gut about how my MD affects me spiritually.

I can't deny the connection exists because, if nothing else, there's a reason I can skim through my Bible at random and notice more verses are highlighted promising strength for the weak than there are anything else. It's not like I don't know God cares for me, or that he doesn't provide the promised strength when I most need it.

For the record, he does.

It boils down to why God made me who I am. There's a reason I have Muscular Dystrophy, and as I often say when sharing my story, I thank God for it.

Still though, in rough spots with MD, it's so much harder to voice those feelings.

I wonder if that's part of the beauty of it, that when I'm physically and emotionally exhausted, people see how difficult it is for me, but my dependence on God comes out more too.

As a disabled person, wheelchair or not, I envy certain things non-disabled persons can do. I don't play sports because most of them would leave me clinically exhausted just practicing. For as long as I can remember, I've thought dancing was the most amazing thing ever, probably because I literally can't dance. Whenever someone runs anywhere, or manages to take these long strides that never seem to tire as we're walking somewhere, I am usually amazed at their step-taking ability. That, or I naturally assume they must have a ton of endurance.

Of course, it's always because they're "normal".

You can probably see I want to be like that because I'm not.

That's where God comes in.

All throughout, the Bible tells stories of miraculous healings, strength for the weary, hope for the hopeless. The Bible also promises God still is capable of such feats.

I feel this is how God has revealed himself to me.

On the days when I am just too exhausted to do it on my own, God steps in.

I cannot describe how it feels when God gives me the strength to keep standing or walking or whatever when my legs were about to give out before I prayed for help. It's like electricity pouring into a pitcher and splashing on the sides, but only in reverse and upside down. Amazing is the only word for it.

Even though I have witnessed God's healing power, I think it's at the times God gives me a strength other than the physical kind that I am closest to God.

God gave me the strength to stand up when I could not, and more than that, he gave me the strength to sit down when I would not.

That's why I believe what I do.

Deep down, I wonder how God can use my disability for his glory, but I also know he can and is.

A while back, a good friend of mine, Jevon, I shared my testimony with him. Due to the pull of the Holy Spirit calling him, he made a decision for Jesus like a month ago. I am humbled and thrilled that my story had any influence on him; every time he talked to me about it, he was moved to tears.

Then Jesus said, "Did I not tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?"

Jonah, Chapter Two.

In the previous installment of Jonah's exciting life, God told him to go to the city of Nineveh to tell them to stop their evil ways, but Jonah didn't think it necessary, so he used his frequent-flyer miles to go somewhere else. As a result, he's currently being digested in the belly of a giant fish.

That's where we begin, with Jonah trying to strike a deal with God. It goes without saying he's realized by this point he screwed up--how much lower can you go than the small intestine of a sperm whale swimming at the bottom of the ocean?

But Jonah's got an idea; he's going to call for help.

Please understand, this whole ordeal probably happened before S.O.S. was invented, so for Jonah to call for help and be heard was pretty miraculous.

Even though Jonah was in pretty much the worst possible situation he could fathom, yet he didn't blame God for messing his life up. Despite his situation, Jonah took full responsibility for it all and accepted God had allowed him an in-depth look at fish guts for a reason.

Chances were, Jonah had no clue what God was planning to do with him but he was thrilled because he knew whatever God did would be for the glory of God.

So what does Jonah do? He rejoices!

One of his biggest revelations came when he recognized God's grace surpassed whatever any other "god" was capable of. It seems Jonah understood the God he believed in would forgive him if he repented from his sins and turned back to God.

He knew beyond all doubt God would save him! How about that!

You know how God works in mysterious ways? It seems God let this whale get beached so it could start heaving until, lo and behold, it barfed Jonah onto the shore. Personally, I wonder how often Jonah took a bath if he gave the giant man-eating fish thing indigestion, but that's beside the point.

The point is simple. No matter what you've done, God will welcome you back with open arms if you stop doing stuff God doesn't want you doing. He will forgive you, and know that he will save you.

Jonah, but not the asparagus.

Lots of people have heard of the Veggie Tales movie involving Jonah, the dude from the Bible who got swallowed by a whale.

But yeah, recently I read the four chapters of his book, and I found some things of interest. The first is that the Book of Jonah applies to modern life way better than some of the other books of the Bible. The other point of note is the spiritual shove this book gave me about trusting God.

Although I'd sat down here to write about both discoveries, I think I'm going to break them up into several blogs so I can use this blog to fully analyze and grow in my relationship with God through study and commentary.

Thank you for your time, and let me tell you, this fish story isn't about the one that got away, but about those who "cannot tell their right hand from their left," and yes, you should be concerned.

An explanation of sorts

As a Christian, I think it would be a good idea for others to know why I'm writing this blog. I'm not doing it because I'm a dogmatic church-on-Sundays hypocrite. For me, it's not about changing people, because I like people the way they are. It's more a matter of me wanting to share with others the hope and joy I've found.

I'm not saying non Christians are unhappier than myself, nor am I saying Jesus is the only way to be happy in life, no questions asked lest you declare yourself a heathen and acknowledge thou shalt spend eternity in a lake of burning sulphur. No. What I'm getting at is that God, i.e. the big man upstairs, he wants one thing for us.

He wants us to have a choice.

Of course, he wants us to love him and worship him too, but he wants us to choose to do it. Otherwise, we'd all be mindless robots, and where is the fun in that?

This is why I write this blog to explain what God has done in my life. I have a rare form of Muscular Dystrophy, that for me, basically means I get tired really easily when walking or standing. For the most part, it is only my lower body that is affected, although I do have back pain because of it. I'm in a wheelchair most of the time, but I thank God for it.

I bet you're thinking I'm crazy right about now, and maybe I am, but I believe that God put me in a wheelchair for a reason. It is beyond me to say what that reason is, because God is not out to get us. Personally, I believe God blessed me with my disability so that I might learn to be patient and to trust in him.

Sure, my dad is a licensed preacher. He doesn't have his own church or anything, but the household I grew up in was the stereotypical preacher's house, so I heard all the church stories and stuff.

I also heard with conviction that the Bible is literally the word of God. You're right, it's a translated document, and has been translated countless times, sometimes as translations of a translation. What does that matter though? If God truly is the almighty god even atheists acknowledge he very well might be, what's to stop him from having his hand in each translation of the Bible?

By the way, that's not me being brainwashed, that's just me reasoning things out.

The conclusion I've come to is that I can trust the guidance shown in the Bible. Granted, like 99% of it confuses me to no end, and I'm not even sure I'm understanding the other 1% right, but if I can try to apply that 1% to my life then God's presence will be clearer to me.

It is.

Don't get me wrong, I know I'm not that saintly a person. In fact, I see as a result of my own personal study of the Bible how much of a terrible person I am. I've been a slave to explosive anger and sharp criticisms; jealousy and lust aren't hard to be guilty of either. Self-pity is the big one for me, being disabled.

Yet, through my faith in Jesus Christ I am free of all that crud. I know I will still sin--it's human nature--but I pray that I will learn to live a more godly life.

The stuff in the Bible that really yanked on my heartstrings involved the strength God provides. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 promises that the power of God is made perfect through our weakness, and let me tell you, physical weakness is a daily struggle for me. I have my good days and my bad. On the good days, God keeps me going steady. On the bad days, my legs give out on me, the exhaustion hurts enough to chain me to a couch or bed, and I cannot go on--

--until I pray for strength.

And oh what strength my God gives to those who call on the name of Jesus!

When I trust God to help me with my MD, I suddenly have more strength and vitality than I ever do on my best of days. You could argue that I am "healed" because I am predisposed to believe God will heal me, and I won't stop you. I don't know that you could explain as easily what it feels like. Pour a glass of water slowly and watch how the water splashes and climbs the sides of the glass in jumping leaps. Got the image in your head? Good, now flip it upside down--the image of the splashing water, not the glass of water--and imagine pouring water into a cup shaped like a person. That's what it's like, just cool and tingling.

So now you're probably thinking I'm loony, and that's okay. I'd rather be loony for God than sane for science. Besides, when did science ever promise superpowers to its followers?

I write to keep my hope in the Lord. That is all.

Dawn of the Dead must be for Sunday service

So I don't like to blog about personal stuff because I usually end up wallowing in self pity over my disability.

Tonight however, I want to write about what God is doing in my life. I sat down an hour ago to read the Bible to find encouragement after the depressing reminders of my own problems I'd encountered today while spending time with my best friend.

I was namely discouraged because I couldn't physically play more than two rounds of Twister without exhausting myself (and also for my fear of recreating bone-popping muscle cramps, like those I've had before), I don't have a girlfriend at the time of writing this, and I seemed to be receiving mixed messages about my best friend's feelings toward me.

Now, I'm rejoicing in the Lord because in my readings, I went from a grizzly depiction of zombies in the Bible (see Ezekiel 37:7-11) and how even zombie armies can lose hope, to a promise of survival (Hebrews 10:31) due to my faith in Jesus Christ as Savior and Lord.

Check it out for yourself:

⁷ So I prophesied as I was commanded. And as I was prophesying, there was a noise, a rattling sound, and the bones came together, bone to bone. ⁸ I looked, and tendons and flesh appeared on them and skin covered them, but there was no breath in them.

⁹ Then he said to me, "Prophesy to the breath; prophesy, son of man, and say to it, 'This is what the Sovereign LORD says: Come from the four winds, O breath, and breathe into these slain, that they may live.' " ¹⁰ So I prophesied as he commanded me, and breath entered them; they came to life and stood up on their feet—a vast army.

¹¹ Then he said to me: "Son of man, these bones are the whole house of Israel. They say, 'Our bones are dried up and our hope is gone; we are cut off.'

(Ezekiel 37:7-11 New International Version)

³⁹But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who believe and are saved.
(Hebrews 10:39 New International Version)

Sounds to me like the Sword of the Spirit (Ephesians 6:17) might make a great zombie shotgun, though I will admit, that's just my interpretation at the moment. Either way, I know I have nothing to worry about because if God can raise a zombie army and then promise me salvation, I'm in good hands for if God is with me, then who can be against me?