You Are Here

I spent most of last week struggling.  Sure, I still read my bible daily--I couldn't live with myself if I ignored it entirely--but I'd scaled back how much I was reading. My excuse, Numbers is a really dull book.  The whole week, I'd oscillated between it and an in-depth study of Psalms I recently started.  By in-depth, I mean, I've started reading only one or two songs and trying to break them down verse by verse.  Really, what that means for me, is I've got to fight harder to seriously study every aspect of the Psalm.  It's like, I read it, I figure out what it's saying, why it was written, and the audience it was written for, then I take that and make a mental note of whom this would be good for and how it could encourage people in certain situations, and then, then if I cannot apply it to myself personally in the here-and-now, I move on to other things.

Ordinarily, or formerly as it may be, this would have been more than enough God time for me.  I'd feel spiritually refreshed, and in sync with God.  I'm a simple guy.  If the bible shows me an example of God using disabled people in spite of their pain or suffering, I'm happy.  If God reveals a nuance of his love for humanity that I'd never considered, I'm jumping up and down and singing praises in front of the drill press.

But, it's not just me anymore.

Too many people depend on my faith for their own walk with God.

I'm not saying they are my responsibility or that without me they wouldn't be able to do the whole God thing. God is God, and he doesn't need anyone or anything to fulfill his divine purpose in our lives.  Besides, we can't save anyone, no matter how hard we try.  Only God, through his mercy, saves.

What I'm saying is that God has placed these people and situations in my life for a reason, and all I know to do is give God the glory however I can.

I wish there was a step-by-step process to get help from the useless staff at a nursing home or encourage every doubting believer or reunite every broken love.  You know, something with faceless illustrations.


There's not--but there is a God in control of all these situations.

As much as I love helping people come closer to God, I still wonder how I fit in. My human nature yearns to see it's own desires fulfilled.  Last week was hard because I didn't always feel the strongest, or if I did, I pushed myself farther than I should have--and it hurts even to admit it--and I hate being stuck on a couch.  I worry I'll never have the strength to serve God in the way I want, even though I know he will sustain me and even without Muscular Dystrophy, I would never be strong enough to serve him without his strength in me.

It's a tough battle, even without all the people who depend on me for encouragement.  I hope you can see how broken and weak I felt.  I didn't understand how I could possibly be where God wanted me to be in order to glorify him most and become more Christ-like in my actions.

God snapped me out of it Friday.

Just like the day before, God had really shown me how blessed I was, and how many people he had placed around me who were imbued with the Holy Spirit.  Because of people like Catherine, Mary, and Crystal, I was seeing God work out my own problems.

That gave me the strength to ignore my own suffering and fight the many temptations dangling in front of me.  Seriously, God is enough.

I saw who I was without God, and how miserable I had been back then, and I hated that person.

After leading the French bible study, and being overwhelmed by God's presence in it, I wanted nothing more than for God to know my faults and lead me in the way everlasting.


But I have spared you for this very purpose, that I might show you my power and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth. ~Exodus 9:16