A lesson on serving

Sometimes, I really struggle with my Muscular Dystrophy. On good days, it's the greatest thing in the world, to know I've got the strength to play with the dogs, walk through Wal-Mart, or in extreme cases, to destroy my energy playing airsoft. On the rougher days, I'm achy, irritable, and lethargic for days on end. Most days, I'm in between. As in, I don't have a problem walking around the house, or up and down the stairs, or whatever, provided I'm wearing shoes (and hence have the firm arch-supports that help me so much).

I like to think I know my limits pretty well. Granted, these aren't always something I can express to others in terms they understand, but I know when I need to sit down, when I can stand up, and when I want my wheelchair. Usually, the goal of my day is to balance energy conservation with a satisfactory amount of things done. This is one reason it can take a week to get my room clean; it's not usually trashed that badly, just that I can only put a limited amount of stuff away before I've hit the end of my energy for that day.

Don't be fooled into thinking that my established energy levels are nonnegotiable. While I know my limits, I know better how to push them. I can lock my knees when my shins, thighs, and hips are hurting. With enough rest breaks, I can extend my period spent standing indefinitely. If nothing else, I can resign myself to the couch for an evening or so if it means getting done all that needs to be done.

With this balance explained, I want to share part of the struggle I have sometimes. Do I help maintain my energy levels and physical abilities over the coming weeks, or do I give to the needy?

Most of the time, I do as much as I can for others.

Yep, it makes me a whole lot weaker than I want to be.

Does it bother me? No. I praise God for it, because when I am weak then I am strong.

Kiss me under the mistletoe

My mom made me this awesome Christmas-y beanie back at the start of December; it was inspired by the discovery that she had a pattern for crocheted mistletoe.

In case you were wondering, on the very top of the hat is sewn a sprig of crocheted mistletoe.

I've worn it every time I left the house since she made it.

Just so you know, it's been cold enough to wear it every time I left the house.

With Christmas only days away, I'm kind of disappointed that no one gave me a kiss.

I mean, it's not the end of the world, but I can think of at least one girl whom I would be happy to receive a kiss from.

What if I told you it was biblically sound to kiss someone under the mistletoe?

You can get all puritanical if you're that against giving me a kiss, but I promise I've got fresh breath.

The early church had no qualms about smooching. Is it worth mentioning those silly Corinthian brothers probably kissed people? Heck, if it had been around back then, I bet a bunch of the saints would have loved using kiss-o-grams.

Paul knew how important kisses were and he wanted people to know it.

Jesus' homeboy Peter did too. His advice: Pucker up.

Would I turn down a kiss from any of you single women? I'll give you an honest answer. Not at all.

Meh, there's not much time left for my mistletoe hat to do its job, but maybe I've got a kiss to look forward to in my near future anyways. Who knows.

Have you had your break today?

This isn't an invitation to go out and get McFats, for those of you who remember the title of this post being their slogan.

I'm asking this as a serious question. Have you had your break today? Have you honestly given yourself the time to sit down, and be still--have you given God the chance to speak?

This isn't some religious ritual, some superstitious practice that claims to ward off bad luck or whatever.

I'm talking serious self-improvement here.

And yes, I will go as far as to say you could use improving.

I could too for that matter.

But that's the beauty of it. God didn't care how in-need-of-improvement we are. He loves us for who we are, and that was good enough for him to die in humiliation and disgrace for us.

More than that--as if there could ever be anything more than that--God chose those with obvious room for improvement to outdo those who had no need for as trivial a thing as improvement. In other words, God uses the bottom of the food chain to eat the top.

Sometimes the world is pressing in on all sides, I know, trust me, I've been jabbed in the ribs more than once. It's hard, but it's not the end of the world. You can get through it.

Don't bother with other people's opinions of you. It's not worth it.

Don't be anxious. Be grateful.

Instead, take a break. Sit down for a while, shut the door if you can, and marvel at the awesomeness that is the Lord God Almighty.

Relating a bit with Moses

Moses was a pretty ordinary dude, if you can get past the fact he led an entire nation on a mass exodus out of one country and into another.

But, even then, he couldn't do it on his own. In my Bible reading today, I found an instance where Moses was probably on his knees praying like crazy. In his words, I hear what sounds like frustration, angst, and exhaustion over doing the Lord's work. It's not that he's on the verge of giving up, it's just that the Israelites are driving him mad.

He says to God, "You've been telling me over and over again to lead these people, but you haven't told me who's going to do it with me. I can't work like this dog, I need help. You said you know me by name, and you've found favor with me, but God, I'm lost. Teach me how to do the job, and do it right. I want to know how you work, what to expect, who you are. Remember, these people are your homies."

God answered, "I'm right here wit ya dawg, I've got yo back."

Moses, perhaps because of something that happened that day or whatever, he begs God not to leave him, "If you decide not to come with, don't tell us to go on, deal? I don't know if you've noticed, but when you're not around God, we aint got no street cred."

I think God smiled when he replied, "You got it. I know who ya are and where ya come from, and I'm chill wit it."

I am somewhat humbled and amazed. For a while now, I've been picking up vibes of God planning to use me for something in the lives of other Christians, perhaps in a leadership role. I don't know that it was a traditional leadership role, involving teaching a Sunday School class or whatever, but maybe more of a lead-by-example thing. It's like if I can live my life humbly and lovingly, maybe I will encourage others to do the same.

Of course, I've been trying to do that, and God's been with me pretty much since I began trying, but who says I'm that observant?

This semester, I asked myself a lot who would be there to lead by loving with me? I wanted someone whose energy I could feed off of, while in turn feeding them. In addition, I wanted to be able to grow spiritually alongside and as a result of whoever God placed in my life.

What better companion is there than the Holy Spirit?

Let me be the first to admit that when I'm trying to live life without God, I'm a retard.

But, God still answers my prayers, even during my retarded moments. God has shown me both the partner I need, and the Christian support structure I was fumbling for.

God is amazing.

Worth crying over

There was a rainbow around the moon tonight.

It was quite possibly the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

All the colors were there, perfectly visible, and perfectly shaped.

The width of each band of color was close to the approximate radius of the full moon at the center of the rainbow.

The moon itself was incredibly bright.

The clouds seemed to bend around the rainbow, almost forming a perimeter around it.

I say again, it was beautiful.

When Courtney pointed it out tonight, I wasn't sure whether I wanted to burst into tears or start singing praises to God.

My first thought was that it was "like jasper and carnelian", and I felt insignificant, and convicted, and blessed all at the same time.

I tried to get a picture of it on my phone, but I don't think it turned out so well.

God blessed me so much in showing me that sky.

Such an amazing rainbow, really.

This is how stalkers are made...

Let me say that while I am thrilled for each of my friends who are married or soon to be, I cannot help but feel discouraged when yet another friend makes the commitment (to marry their significant other--not necessarily the actual commitment of marriage).

To put things in perspective, I have 123 friends total on Facebook. I make it a point not to be friends with anyone on Facebook whom I don't know or talk to, or whom does not talk to me. I must have some interaction with them in the real world for them to make it onto my friend list. Of those, there are twenty-two women who are married, engaged, or might as well be married for one reason or another. Most likely, I'm friends with their other half too, so that's a third of my entire friend list out of the running.

Alright, so, the other 79 friends are probably equally divided between dudes and dudettes but hardly any of them are datable material. Most of them have potential, I guess, or they would if it were possible to actually spend more time with them. Sadly, the women with whom I am capable of spending the most time seldom fit what I'm looking for in a partner.

My requirements aren't much. A prospective date has to be comfortable smiling, a fellow believer, and single but hopeful. Oh, and si elle parlerait français à n'importe quel niveau, je serai le sien.

I'm not worried.  I just have to wait and trust in God. He'll work things out in due time. Heck, for all I know, my future wife is reading this blog right now.

Crisis of Faith

An expression I've heard thrown around a lot among my Christian friends is the crisis of faith, that so-and-so is going through one, or whatever. While I agree we should look out for and be concerned about fellow believers, I don't know that we can officially declare any one person to be in a crisis of faith based upon what they say or do. Bear in mind, I say this having said or thought it of many people before. Regardless, it is not our place to judge where someone stands with God because of what we deem acceptable or righteous. If anything, we as Christians should pray for one another, encourage one another, support one another, and most of all love one another.

I believe if Christians can do that properly, there is no such thing as a crisis of faith in any one's life. There can't be. Low spots, sure. Moments of weakness, absolutely. Crises of faith, no.

I don't know any Christian going through a crisis of faith right now but I know Christians the world over are going through a crisis of the faith.

For the most part, our faith is fine. It's the faith we preach that's slipping. We're talking the talk, but we're not all walking the walk.

I'm not condemning anyone, nor am I condemning anyone else's way of living the Christian life. It is totally biblical to practice one's faith however one sees fit, provided certain fundamental beliefs remain the same.

What disgusts me is when people living an otherwise Christian life, do not love everyone they meet like they love themselves. Every time a Christian neglects a nonbeliever, or flakes out on somebody, or snubs some dude wearing pink nail polish, all the other Christians out there have to pick up the slack.

Literally.

I never know what to say when someone tells me what douchebags "christians" are, like when a gay friend of mine told me he stopped believing in God altogether when his Christian role models were homophobic, inconsiderate, unreliable, or any other negative attribute that should not define what nonbelievers see as Christianity.

I think I want a t-shirt that says something like "Quick! What are the two most important things Jesus ever said?"

As Christians, we need to be servants first and foremost. That's pretty much what love is. Serving others however you know how in whatever way you can.

If you hear what I'm saying, get out there and love somebody, anybody, everybody.