An Adventure of Biblical Proportions

In a previous blog entry, I said I wanted to analyze the book of Jonah, focusing on its relevance to modern life and also the spiritual advice I found in it.

Let's start at the beginning, shall we?

So, God told Jonah to go to this city, Nineveh, and talk to them about God and what they were doing wrong. For whatever reason, Jonah flatly refused, heading to a different city instead.

Not surprisingly, God wasn't pleased so He sent a storm to give Jonah a wake up call. Meanwhile, everyone else on the boat was petrified by the storm, so much so they even threw their cargo overboard. Personally, I'm envisioning the dudes on that show "Deadliest Catch" being out there at sea and then a storm so monstrous comes up everyone on board unanimously agrees to dump their entire catch for the season back into the sea just so they can make it home alive.

Can you imagine what it would take for that to happen?

Back to the story, it got so bad, these sailor types were frantically searching for a God to save them, and presumably they had enough variety for the captain to feel it necessary to wake Jonah on the off-chance his God would step in.

When the captain woke Jonah, the scene up top was in total panic. Standing on one hand on the tip of the ship's forward-most point with Yoda balanced on his foot was a Luke Skywalker impersonator but the Force is not strong with this one. Towards the rear of the ship, someone was hoping to be touched by the noodly appendage of the Flying Spaghetti Monster but the poor dude was on Atkins. Probably someone was worshiping a voice in their pinkie and maybe someone managed to stop a Buddha paperweight from being thrown overboard in the earlier cargo dump. But despite their best efforts, no one was really having any luck reaching their ethereal being of choice.

Bear in mind, I took some liberty reading in between the lines there, but I'm sure the actual event wasn't too dissimilar.

By the time sleepyhead Jonah got up and made it to the deck, the crew was to the point of drawing straws to find out who caused the storm.

Naturally, Jonah drew the short straw so everyone wanted to know what they could do to stop the storm.

Personally, I think Jonah had a flare for sarcasm.

"Pick me up and throw me into the sea," he replied, "and it will become calm. I know that it is my fault that this great storm has come upon you." (Jonah 1:12)

Someone on that ship was reasonable because they tried to get out of the storm on their own, but eventually Jonah got voted off the island, so to speak.

When the storm stopped immediately after they threw Jonah overboard, one could say it put the fear of God in everyone left on the boat.

It seems Jonah and Pinocchio had something in common.

That's my basic synopsis of chapter one, with only two real points I can put into action in my life. Firstly, God doesn't like it when we do something contrary to what He has planned for us; we shouldn't fight His will in our lives. Secondly, God is all-powerful, and no storm in your life is too great for him to overcome. If you're going through a rough spot, maybe God's trying to get you to see you're not on track with His will.

In case it's unclear, all He wants for you is for you to accept Jesus into your heart so that you can spend eternity in God's love.

Dawn of the Dead must be for Sunday service

So I don't like to blog about personal stuff because I usually end up wallowing in self pity over my disability.

Tonight however, I want to write about what God is doing in my life. I sat down an hour ago to read the Bible to find encouragement after the depressing reminders of my own problems I'd encountered today while spending time with my best friend.

I was namely discouraged because I couldn't physically play more than two rounds of Twister without exhausting myself (and also for my fear of recreating bone-popping muscle cramps, like those I've had before), I don't have a girlfriend at the time of writing this, and I seemed to be receiving mixed messages about my best friend's feelings toward me.

Now, I'm rejoicing in the Lord because in my readings, I went from a grizzly depiction of zombies in the Bible (see Ezekiel 37:7-11) and how even zombie armies can lose hope, to a promise of survival (Hebrews 10:31) due to my faith in Jesus Christ as Savior and Lord.

Check it out for yourself:

⁷ So I prophesied as I was commanded. And as I was prophesying, there was a noise, a rattling sound, and the bones came together, bone to bone. ⁸ I looked, and tendons and flesh appeared on them and skin covered them, but there was no breath in them.

⁹ Then he said to me, "Prophesy to the breath; prophesy, son of man, and say to it, 'This is what the Sovereign LORD says: Come from the four winds, O breath, and breathe into these slain, that they may live.' " ¹⁰ So I prophesied as he commanded me, and breath entered them; they came to life and stood up on their feet—a vast army.

¹¹ Then he said to me: "Son of man, these bones are the whole house of Israel. They say, 'Our bones are dried up and our hope is gone; we are cut off.'

(Ezekiel 37:7-11 New International Version)

³⁹But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who believe and are saved.
(Hebrews 10:39 New International Version)

Sounds to me like the Sword of the Spirit (Ephesians 6:17) might make a great zombie shotgun, though I will admit, that's just my interpretation at the moment. Either way, I know I have nothing to worry about because if God can raise a zombie army and then promise me salvation, I'm in good hands for if God is with me, then who can be against me?