New Year's Eve

I really need to go to bed, but I'm still alert and operational, so, I am writing one last blog post for 2010.

Some people like to take New Years Eve to reflect on another year gone by. For me, that usually happens officially the night of my birthday, since technically, that's when my new year starts. I don't care what the calendar says--January 1 is not a new year for me, since I'm not even six months through my current year of life.

Others spend New Years Eve partying, celebrating, drinking, and in some cases, kissing. While the idea of kissing in the New Year is quite romantic, it's not something I'll be doing this year. I spent the day helping my dad clean the garage, and as a result, partying is the last thing my legs want to do.

Lots of people are nostalgic for the things they've done, accomplished, or achieved. Me, I feel like all I've got behind me is my mistakes, upsets, and wrongdoings; I've grown from them, but still, I wouldn't be who I am today if I didn't have those faults before now.

If anything, I'm nostalgic for the future. I'm not talking about New Years resolutions or my plans for making the best of the next 365 days. I believe my best days are ahead of me, though not because of anything I can do for myself. I believe whatever is to happen will be because God's got a plan for my life, a plan to bless me and not harm me.

And, even if the next year doesn't replicate my most fantastic dreams, I know God is not slow in keeping his promises. Today is just a day, and tomorrow is just another day, and what is a day in God's time? When the time is right, I promise God will keep his promise, every one of them.

An acquired taste

Leftovers are strange, really. I've never been much of a leftover eater; it used to be any leftovers I was willing to eat were either Chicken Casserole, or Beefaroni, which, if you think about it, aren't the most appetizing meals to consider the second time around. As I've gotten older though, I've come to appreciate leftovers as a convenient and quick meal whose benefits often outweigh their inherent grossness.

Aside from the fact leftovers are destined to become the blue and gray goop in the back of your refrigerator, leftovers are gross because no two meals cook the same way. Pasta and bread-based dishes need a sprinkling of water first in order to heat right and not dry out. Soup and chili are best reheated in a saucepan, and with constant stirring to prevent burning. Taco fixings make for decent salads a day or so later, but forget about resurrecting authentic tacos once they've made it into the fridge. And I can promise your holiday dinner won't leave you with that warm nostalgia of a few days earlier after two minutes in the microwave.

Leftovers, like most everything in life, are a choice. You have to want to eat them in order to brave the recesses of the fridge, and then you have to accept the challenge of warming them up. If you make a mistake, there's no going back for a redo. You've got to live with it, whatever the outcome. Of course, you don't eat the cold bits by themselves, nor do you dive fork-first into the scalding parts. To enjoy leftovers, you've got to take the good moments with the not-so-good moments. After you're finished, it'll all taste the same anyways, so don't focus on the details, just eat it.

Tonight, I ate leftovers for dinner--beefaroni, if you're interested--because it's my parents' anniversary. I wanted to be able to tell them when they asked that I had eaten already, and that they should go out to eat like they always do. I also wanted to escape their intensifying discussion going on across the hall.

Don't get me wrong, my parents don't argue often, but like any couple, they have their moments. They're not going to get a divorce or anything, and they've been married forever...something like 30 years, I believe.

Still though, it's hard to watch them work their issues out from an impartial point-of-view. By impartial, I mean, I spend enough time with both parents individually to understand what about the other is driving them crazy. Part of me wants to step in and help them negotiate stuff, but I know it's not my place, and honestly, I don't /want/ to fill that role.

Tonight's drama came about because my mom's been taking care of her mom at the nursing home, spending almost all her time there and my dad was way on the grumpy side today. My mom doesn't always get to tell my dad what's going on at the nursing home, and she's probably exhausting herself going every day; she comes home looking stressed and frustrated every day, but most of it is exhaustion (or on some days, frustration at the quality of life there). My dad reads my mom's emotions, and he wants to help, but he can't find any way to get past what must feel like a distancing barrier between he and his wife. Because my dad can't get past my mom's exhaustion and frustration, he himself gets exhausted and frustrated, which contributes to my mom's feelings, and it goes on and on. Just recently, it's felt like a back-and-forth war of attrition between the two of them.

I don't mind that my parents have issues. All couples do. I just don't want to be a spectator when it happens.

My parents have shown me one thing though in the course of all their arguments.

Marriage is about forgiveness, acceptance, and loving them anyways. Both parties involved will screw up at some point. It's inevitable.

Just as Christians need to pick up their cross daily, husbands should put the wife above himself, placing her needs first.

I am thankful to have had parents who, though they had quibbles every now and then, were able to practice all of these things before I even knew they were biblical principles. I am also glad to be among the few who can say his parents have never divorced.

Happy anniversary Mom and Dad.

Edit: It's a day later, and my parents went out to dinner to celebrate their anniversary, holding hands as they walked to the car.

A lesson on serving

Sometimes, I really struggle with my Muscular Dystrophy. On good days, it's the greatest thing in the world, to know I've got the strength to play with the dogs, walk through Wal-Mart, or in extreme cases, to destroy my energy playing airsoft. On the rougher days, I'm achy, irritable, and lethargic for days on end. Most days, I'm in between. As in, I don't have a problem walking around the house, or up and down the stairs, or whatever, provided I'm wearing shoes (and hence have the firm arch-supports that help me so much).

I like to think I know my limits pretty well. Granted, these aren't always something I can express to others in terms they understand, but I know when I need to sit down, when I can stand up, and when I want my wheelchair. Usually, the goal of my day is to balance energy conservation with a satisfactory amount of things done. This is one reason it can take a week to get my room clean; it's not usually trashed that badly, just that I can only put a limited amount of stuff away before I've hit the end of my energy for that day.

Don't be fooled into thinking that my established energy levels are nonnegotiable. While I know my limits, I know better how to push them. I can lock my knees when my shins, thighs, and hips are hurting. With enough rest breaks, I can extend my period spent standing indefinitely. If nothing else, I can resign myself to the couch for an evening or so if it means getting done all that needs to be done.

With this balance explained, I want to share part of the struggle I have sometimes. Do I help maintain my energy levels and physical abilities over the coming weeks, or do I give to the needy?

Most of the time, I do as much as I can for others.

Yep, it makes me a whole lot weaker than I want to be.

Does it bother me? No. I praise God for it, because when I am weak then I am strong.

Kiss me under the mistletoe

My mom made me this awesome Christmas-y beanie back at the start of December; it was inspired by the discovery that she had a pattern for crocheted mistletoe.

In case you were wondering, on the very top of the hat is sewn a sprig of crocheted mistletoe.

I've worn it every time I left the house since she made it.

Just so you know, it's been cold enough to wear it every time I left the house.

With Christmas only days away, I'm kind of disappointed that no one gave me a kiss.

I mean, it's not the end of the world, but I can think of at least one girl whom I would be happy to receive a kiss from.

What if I told you it was biblically sound to kiss someone under the mistletoe?

You can get all puritanical if you're that against giving me a kiss, but I promise I've got fresh breath.

The early church had no qualms about smooching. Is it worth mentioning those silly Corinthian brothers probably kissed people? Heck, if it had been around back then, I bet a bunch of the saints would have loved using kiss-o-grams.

Paul knew how important kisses were and he wanted people to know it.

Jesus' homeboy Peter did too. His advice: Pucker up.

Would I turn down a kiss from any of you single women? I'll give you an honest answer. Not at all.

Meh, there's not much time left for my mistletoe hat to do its job, but maybe I've got a kiss to look forward to in my near future anyways. Who knows.

Have you had your break today?

This isn't an invitation to go out and get McFats, for those of you who remember the title of this post being their slogan.

I'm asking this as a serious question. Have you had your break today? Have you honestly given yourself the time to sit down, and be still--have you given God the chance to speak?

This isn't some religious ritual, some superstitious practice that claims to ward off bad luck or whatever.

I'm talking serious self-improvement here.

And yes, I will go as far as to say you could use improving.

I could too for that matter.

But that's the beauty of it. God didn't care how in-need-of-improvement we are. He loves us for who we are, and that was good enough for him to die in humiliation and disgrace for us.

More than that--as if there could ever be anything more than that--God chose those with obvious room for improvement to outdo those who had no need for as trivial a thing as improvement. In other words, God uses the bottom of the food chain to eat the top.

Sometimes the world is pressing in on all sides, I know, trust me, I've been jabbed in the ribs more than once. It's hard, but it's not the end of the world. You can get through it.

Don't bother with other people's opinions of you. It's not worth it.

Don't be anxious. Be grateful.

Instead, take a break. Sit down for a while, shut the door if you can, and marvel at the awesomeness that is the Lord God Almighty.

Relating a bit with Moses

Moses was a pretty ordinary dude, if you can get past the fact he led an entire nation on a mass exodus out of one country and into another.

But, even then, he couldn't do it on his own. In my Bible reading today, I found an instance where Moses was probably on his knees praying like crazy. In his words, I hear what sounds like frustration, angst, and exhaustion over doing the Lord's work. It's not that he's on the verge of giving up, it's just that the Israelites are driving him mad.

He says to God, "You've been telling me over and over again to lead these people, but you haven't told me who's going to do it with me. I can't work like this dog, I need help. You said you know me by name, and you've found favor with me, but God, I'm lost. Teach me how to do the job, and do it right. I want to know how you work, what to expect, who you are. Remember, these people are your homies."

God answered, "I'm right here wit ya dawg, I've got yo back."

Moses, perhaps because of something that happened that day or whatever, he begs God not to leave him, "If you decide not to come with, don't tell us to go on, deal? I don't know if you've noticed, but when you're not around God, we aint got no street cred."

I think God smiled when he replied, "You got it. I know who ya are and where ya come from, and I'm chill wit it."

I am somewhat humbled and amazed. For a while now, I've been picking up vibes of God planning to use me for something in the lives of other Christians, perhaps in a leadership role. I don't know that it was a traditional leadership role, involving teaching a Sunday School class or whatever, but maybe more of a lead-by-example thing. It's like if I can live my life humbly and lovingly, maybe I will encourage others to do the same.

Of course, I've been trying to do that, and God's been with me pretty much since I began trying, but who says I'm that observant?

This semester, I asked myself a lot who would be there to lead by loving with me? I wanted someone whose energy I could feed off of, while in turn feeding them. In addition, I wanted to be able to grow spiritually alongside and as a result of whoever God placed in my life.

What better companion is there than the Holy Spirit?

Let me be the first to admit that when I'm trying to live life without God, I'm a retard.

But, God still answers my prayers, even during my retarded moments. God has shown me both the partner I need, and the Christian support structure I was fumbling for.

God is amazing.

Worth crying over

There was a rainbow around the moon tonight.

It was quite possibly the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

All the colors were there, perfectly visible, and perfectly shaped.

The width of each band of color was close to the approximate radius of the full moon at the center of the rainbow.

The moon itself was incredibly bright.

The clouds seemed to bend around the rainbow, almost forming a perimeter around it.

I say again, it was beautiful.

When Courtney pointed it out tonight, I wasn't sure whether I wanted to burst into tears or start singing praises to God.

My first thought was that it was "like jasper and carnelian", and I felt insignificant, and convicted, and blessed all at the same time.

I tried to get a picture of it on my phone, but I don't think it turned out so well.

God blessed me so much in showing me that sky.

Such an amazing rainbow, really.

This is how stalkers are made...

Let me say that while I am thrilled for each of my friends who are married or soon to be, I cannot help but feel discouraged when yet another friend makes the commitment (to marry their significant other--not necessarily the actual commitment of marriage).

To put things in perspective, I have 123 friends total on Facebook. I make it a point not to be friends with anyone on Facebook whom I don't know or talk to, or whom does not talk to me. I must have some interaction with them in the real world for them to make it onto my friend list. Of those, there are twenty-two women who are married, engaged, or might as well be married for one reason or another. Most likely, I'm friends with their other half too, so that's a third of my entire friend list out of the running.

Alright, so, the other 79 friends are probably equally divided between dudes and dudettes but hardly any of them are datable material. Most of them have potential, I guess, or they would if it were possible to actually spend more time with them. Sadly, the women with whom I am capable of spending the most time seldom fit what I'm looking for in a partner.

My requirements aren't much. A prospective date has to be comfortable smiling, a fellow believer, and single but hopeful. Oh, and si elle parlerait français à n'importe quel niveau, je serai le sien.

I'm not worried.  I just have to wait and trust in God. He'll work things out in due time. Heck, for all I know, my future wife is reading this blog right now.

Crisis of Faith

An expression I've heard thrown around a lot among my Christian friends is the crisis of faith, that so-and-so is going through one, or whatever. While I agree we should look out for and be concerned about fellow believers, I don't know that we can officially declare any one person to be in a crisis of faith based upon what they say or do. Bear in mind, I say this having said or thought it of many people before. Regardless, it is not our place to judge where someone stands with God because of what we deem acceptable or righteous. If anything, we as Christians should pray for one another, encourage one another, support one another, and most of all love one another.

I believe if Christians can do that properly, there is no such thing as a crisis of faith in any one's life. There can't be. Low spots, sure. Moments of weakness, absolutely. Crises of faith, no.

I don't know any Christian going through a crisis of faith right now but I know Christians the world over are going through a crisis of the faith.

For the most part, our faith is fine. It's the faith we preach that's slipping. We're talking the talk, but we're not all walking the walk.

I'm not condemning anyone, nor am I condemning anyone else's way of living the Christian life. It is totally biblical to practice one's faith however one sees fit, provided certain fundamental beliefs remain the same.

What disgusts me is when people living an otherwise Christian life, do not love everyone they meet like they love themselves. Every time a Christian neglects a nonbeliever, or flakes out on somebody, or snubs some dude wearing pink nail polish, all the other Christians out there have to pick up the slack.

Literally.

I never know what to say when someone tells me what douchebags "christians" are, like when a gay friend of mine told me he stopped believing in God altogether when his Christian role models were homophobic, inconsiderate, unreliable, or any other negative attribute that should not define what nonbelievers see as Christianity.

I think I want a t-shirt that says something like "Quick! What are the two most important things Jesus ever said?"

As Christians, we need to be servants first and foremost. That's pretty much what love is. Serving others however you know how in whatever way you can.

If you hear what I'm saying, get out there and love somebody, anybody, everybody.

Praise God in all Situations

The film festival is going well, as I said last night.  However, I'm having a rough day.

Because I was up so late last night, my body is suffering.  I've had trouble walking all day, I'm struggling in two of my classes because the teachers seem to have changed their routine, and I barely have the energy to finish the easiest of my homework assignments because I'm falling asleep mid sentence.  I'm frustrated because of my own impatience looking for companionship, and school doesn't quit stacking stuff on.

But, I know better than to stop praising God.

I'm so thankful Jesus is in my life.  I've found two people to host tonight's movie, tomorrow's, and Friday's too.  My feet don't hurt in my new shoes anymore, and despite what might be a pulled muscle in my right thigh, I'm still able to walk.  I know my worries are not as much as they appear to be, and I'm only freaking out because I'm tired.  Regardless of how much I'm looking for a girlfriend, I appreciate that God /is/ in control, and he won't let my own impatience and blind judgment marry me to a psycho.  I also appreciate each new hopeful crush because they open my eyes more to how I can love everyone equally.

Most of all, I am so grateful for my salvation.  I cannot express how encouraged I am that none of the struggles I'm dealing with matter.  I know that whatever happens while I'm still alive is for God's glory, and also for my benefit, and even if those two facts weren't true, I'm going to see the face of God one sweet day.  I feel blessed to have the chance to live for God, and I pray I continue in my walk, following only in Jesus' footsteps.

God, the Provider

The attendance at the seventh night of the French Film Festival was a whopping 14 people! This is at an event where we've been struggling to get 4 people to every movie!

Because of this, I'd be willing to bet the French Club gets a massive budget next school year!

All day, I prayed attendance would be high at tonight's movie because it was the only night I officially had a guest speaker lined up.

God provided.

Jesus Beat The Devil With A Big Wooden Stick

Today marks the end of the first week of the film festival.

I cannot express how blessed I am. 

Today, I had to host the film festival because I was not able to delegate the responsibility to one of the other French Club members. No biggie.

The shirt I'm wearing today I got on clearance from a christian clothing store in the mall.  It reads, you guessed it, Jesus beat the Devil with a big wooden stick.  It's one of my favorite shirts for obvious reasons.

Apparently, lots of other people liked it too.

Complements are always nice.  So are deeply entrenched Biblical discussions.

Both happened in abundance today.  Like, seriously.  I was reminded that there are more believers in my life than I am aware of, and that I need not feel alone, helpless, or like it's just God and me on a rowboat on the Atlantic, fishing for lost souls.

Today was a day of recognition of fellow believers, and recognition from fellow believers. Three times today, I saw the love of God surface in people talking to me, and I mean the real deal.

Recently, I've felt discouraged because it's hard to spot the Christians in the world.  God whispered in my ear today (by making it blatantly obvious) I am not alone in this city.

Day 2 of Film Festival

As the French Club prepares to show the second film of our film festival, "Le Beau Serge", I am amazed at God's obvious hand in the event.

Yesterday, Dr. Schulman more or less dropped an impromptu speech en français in my lap.  Because he would not be able to make it.  I was very calmly freaking out.

God worked it out though, so I only had to talk to one of the few French profs I've never personally had.  We had a great conversation in French.

I've learned something these past few days, about loving others.  God showed me that you've got to get past the "Ick!" first impression you might have for someone, and see them for who they are, a person who has their likes and dislikes, passions and pet peeves, and their future and life story.

There were these two guys whom I wasn't really sure of.  One was really quiet and seemed to need prodding up all the time, and the other seemed really obnoxious and loud.  I have since had a chance to talk to them and see their human side.

I was reminded about what the Bible says on favoritism.

There's also a certain conviction, from even considering being afraid of or uncertain around these two men.  They're just as much a living, breathing entity as I am.

Sunday of two long weeks

Starting tomorrow, the French Club will be hosting a two week film festival.  I'm the president of the club, so I'm going to be busy nonstop, but I'll get through this.  I'm worried about how my body will react during the festival, to the intense schedule. 

I'm praying about this a lot, and I'm going to use the French Club to do as much as I can.  However, I'm going to do my part as well.

I'm not going to promise an entry a day, lest I give myself another burden to stress over, but I'm going to try to keep you updated about the festival's progress. Pray for me.

L'amour et la Charité

One thing I like doing is reading the Bible in French.  I've been through the Bible so many times in English, I've usually got a pretty good grasp of what it's saying at any given moment. As such, reading La Bible both maintains and improves upon my fluency, but then other times, I realize French is capable of saying things English might not be able to.

The most obvious difference is that English does not assign a gender to its words, but both Hebrew and Greek did.  To some extent, English also lacks specificity in regards to certain pluralities.  Because French grammar is built around the gender and plurality of the words, sometimes I can understand a concept I would be left fuzzy on had I just read the English version.  The verb tenses in French tend to be more distinguishable than their English counter parts, unless you're a grad student in Linguistics.

Another reason I like reading the French is because sometimes French has a better way of defining something than English does.  It's not too common, but in some cases, English has too few words to describe too general a concept.

Take love for example.

While English just has the one all-encompassing word, French has at least two versions, l'amour and la charité.  The former is about liking and loving someone for who they are, (of course, it's also the hyper romantic version of love the French are known for), and the latter is about charity and servitude.

It kind of puts a new spin on it when you see when each is used.

1 Corinthians 13 is called the love chapter of the Bible, but interestingly enough, it's not so much about how to love your sweetheart as it is how to love everyone.  With la charité being the sole word used there, it reminds me of what Jesus did when he washed the disciples feet.

My point, to love someone is to serve them.

The importance of straight and level paths

For kicks, I used my blackberry's GPS to track my movements on a run this morning in my wheelchair. Apparently, I managed to get my chair moving at 11mph on the smoothest stretches of sidewalk.

I haven't had a whole lot of time to blog recently because I've been really busy with school work, tutoring, and trying to forge a social life. If you want something to pray for, pray that I might find the ability to blog as consistently as I used to, and also that Medicare will pull through and get me a new wheelchair like I'd been told they could.

In the meantime, I'm going to expand this entry as much as I can until Stacy gets out of the shower (my brother's girlfriend moved in last weekend, fyi).

But yeah, have you ever thought about the paths you walk? I bet if you started pushing yourself in a wheelchair, you'd stop and consider what abominations your Sketchers stomp through on a day to day basis. You never think of all the grime, grease, gum, and guts you go through until it's coating your gloved fingers and you go to push up your glasses.

Been there, done that.

So please, take my advice, watch your step.

Has Your Fire Been Put Out?

It's impossible to describe to a nonbeliever what it's like to be on fire for God. In my experience, it's something you've got to show them in the way you live and love. It's like with any relationship, you go through your ups and downs. One day you might be in the pits, but pretty soon your best friend or spouse or sister will come down to your level and bring you back up. Before long, you find yourself so passionate about this relationship, everything you do revolves around them. That's what your relationship with Jesus Christ should be like.

Maybe you've got Jesus already, and you've ridden a few waves since you became a Christian, but the next crest seems too far away. You're reading your Bible, and having your quiet time with the Lord, but somehow you're just not feeling it. Heck, you probably haven't even missed church in two months yet you're missing something.

It's not that you're in the wrong faith--you know there's no getting around Jesus being the way, the truth, and the life. For me, it often feels like I'm not doing enough to keep my passion for God alive when I've got it in full force. I hate how it feels to lose touch with God, even for only a split second.

Let's say you have accidentally drifted some. It doesn't matter how far, or for how long, just that you aren't feeling the fire you felt before. Every Christian feels this way at some point or another, and all they want is to feel the Holy Spirit guiding them once more.

Acts 4:31 offers a suggestion.

Get to know a small group of fellow believers with whom you can depend on, study the Bible together, and most importantly, pray with.

The verse says once they were finished praying, they were all filled with the Holy Spirit and spoke the word of God boldly and without hindrance.

It sounds impressive considering moments earlier, the entire group had been discouraged and frustrated with the treatment of their buddies. They went from being in a spiritual slump to the top of their game, all because they prayed together. Huh.

The First Nine Years of the Post 9-11 Era

Nine years ago, I was barely cognizant of the world I lived in; I was homeschooled and my aunt and cousins lived with me and my family. My young cousin Nick's birthday had been the day before. I'd known we were planning a big surprise party for him, and as usually happened when someone's birthday came in the middle of the week, we didn't celebrate the day of because everyone's schedules were different.

I'd already done my morning ritual, and had completed one of my assignments for the day already. I was waiting for it to be 9:00 when "The Magic School Bus" came on. It was one of the few shows my mom would let me stop doing school work to watch.

I couldn't watch it that morning, and that's when I first began to think something was wrong.

My mother was in the den watching the news. I could hear her speechlessness from the dining room table, but I didn't know what was up.

Moments before my show was going to start, my mother rattled off stern orders to my older brother, who sat in the TV room every morning to write about the news. The one command I remember most was for him to get a radio and keep track of all that was happening so he could let my mom know what the situation was while she was out.

Like nearly every parent, my mom hurried off to snatch the kids of the house from school (my cousins were not homeschooled).

My brother didn't have a radio he could carry around with him, but my mom remembered my grandma had given me a yellow radio-flashlight on her last trip. It'd come from the dollar store, and didn't work that great. That morning, it actually wasn't even assembled. The previous day--week--whenever, I had taken it apart to see what was inside it.

My mom wouldn't leave until I'd gotten that radio for my brother. That included me putting it back together in working order.

It was the only pocket-sized radio we had in the house, without digging out the old hurricane emergency radio.

As she hurried out the door, my mom mentioned to me that she was going to go pick up Billieanne, Paulina, and Nick. I didn't understand, and again, I thought it was a surprise birthday celebration for Nick. What was cooler than getting out of school early for the day to party?

For those who don't know, I live next to a giant naval air base. Jet noise is common place here.

We'd never heard jet noise like we did that morning.

I was walking into the den sometime that morning--still totally unaware of the chaos the world was in--when two jets sonic-boomed overhead.

A jet's afterburners are loud. The loudest they get around here is a whooshing roar that drowns out all noise for about ten seconds, and that intensity is actually pretty rare. The jets are normally only that loud during airshows and at random during the summer.

I may be wrong, but I don't think they're actually going super-sonic even when they're that loud. Also, they aren't allowed to fly that loud beneath a certain altitude because they're flying over a populated area. From what I understand, flying too low could rupture a person's ear drum, causing severe pain and bleeding.

Nine years ago, a pair of jets took off from the naval base at such an angle and velocity that hearing anything other than a dull ringing was impossible for a half hour.

I don't know how fast they were travelling, nor how low they were, nor do I even know what direction they were going in, but I know the only other time I've heard them that loud was at snack time later that day.

Now that I'm older, I wonder where they scrambled to and what, if any influence they had over the day's events.

That night, after a day spent entertaining my cousins by playing Mario 64 and pretending to be Mario giving them a tour of Peach's castle, my parents brought me into their bedroom.

They had been crying, and one of their bibles was open on the comforters.

They told me about everything that happened, how many people died.

Afterwards, we prayed together for the first time as a family that I can remember, other than the "say grace" ritual before dinner.

During this past week, the world has almost felt like it's just as bad a place to live in now as it was that morning when so many lives were lost.

There's that nutcase claiming to be a Christian leader advocating a burning of the Kuran to spite Muslims out of remembrance for what happened nine years ago.

Just in case you didn't know, no one was burning the Kuran in the World Trade Center.

Don't hate Muslims because a few "super devout" radical psycopathes did some heinous acts in the name of allah or whatever.

They are no less exempt from God's love than anyone else, and for that we need to love them.

A topic I've seen bouncing around the headlines is that the vast majority of Americans/experts/whoever don't think Osama Bin Laden will ever be caught, captured, or killed. Some even go as far as to accuse the people going out and looking for him or the government for which they stand in the matter, claiming we can't kill a Saudi Prince.

If we as a nation are capable of risking war by invading a hostile country to assassinate a South-American drug lord like Pablo Eskabar, why would we hold back against the person responsible for brainwashing countless terrorists to kill countless more lives?

No, justice has to be done. Regardless of whether a US Marine zip-ties Bin Laden's hands behind his back, a 200lb bomb knocks his door down, or he trips over a stone in Pakistan and croaks, God will serve vengeance.

As hard as it is to believe, even Bin Laden could be forgiven of his sins. We must not forget that.

The times are dark, but there is a God shining in the darkness and the darkness has not overcome.

Stuff to watch out for

I love how prophetic some of Jesus' teachings were. While he was at the temple in Jerusalem, some of his disciples acted like tourists. Like an omnipotent tour guide, Jesus said the temple would be destroyed. You know what's creepy? The temple was destroyed, just like Jesus said it would be, I think somewhere around 60AD.

Surprised, his followers asked when it was going to happen.

As Jesus often did, he answered indirectly. He warned them a lot of posers would appear, claiming to be Jesus, the one and only Prince of Peace.

Gee, I think there have been Jesus wanna-bes pretty much since he went up to heaven, am I right?

Jesus also advised them not to be frightened if they heard about some war or revolution going on because they had to happen first, and the end would follow eventually.

War, revolution, weren't these words tossed around on the news lately?

Jesus talked about massive earthquakes and various diseases and generally fearful events and also some great big signs from heaven.

Hmm...I'd be willing to bet those "great signs from heaven" he mentioned were probably his second coming, but that's just me. When it comes to apocalyptic prophesy, there's a lot of stuff that has to go down, so I could be wrong about this particular example.

Here's the part that fascinates me. Lots of people say we're in the end of times right now, and while we may be in the middle of a world with a surplus of Jesus-fakers, war-fighters, earthquakes, and diseases, followers of Christ are not being brought into churches or courthouses to be persecuted for our faith.

Please understand that just as the temple was torn down after Jesus said it would be, there were a lot of Christians persecuted for their faith soon after he went to heaven. In many parts of the world, there still are in fact, but I personally feel we're not yet in those dark days Jesus talked about.

Don't get me wrong, we're not far off. At the rate the world is spiraling downward, I wouldn't be surprised if our grandkids saw those days. Just look at how many people believe the Bible is old fashioned.

Jesus said that when we stand trial for our faith, we will be witnesses to the people there also.

As if we weren't already concerned enough about the whole dying for his name thing, we're going to have the added pressure of sharing the good news with our killers.

Yet, Jesus knew we might be a little nervous in that situation so he told us not to worry about making a rock solid defense before it all happens. He's got our backs, and if I had to guess, I'd say our Advocate looks pretty glorious in a suit and tie.

Get this, we're not just going to be arrested because some punk saw our faces on a wanted poster. Our own parents, brothers, relatives and friends will betray us, even to the point of having us killed. Talk about tough love.

Frankly, we'll get to know a lot of haters.

Either Jesus thought his followers had a snazzy hairdo, or he was serious about the whole eternal life thing.

I would guess the latter.

Jesus said Jerusalem would be a pretty sucky place to live during that time, at least until the time of the Gentiles is fulfilled.

To demonstrate how important everything he'd said was, Jesus gave them an illustration. Apparently, when fig trees sprout leaves, summer is near. Likewise, when all this stuff goes down, the kingdom of God is close at hand.

You know what? It's going to happen one day.

In the meantime, don't get too involved in the practices and issues of the world. If you spend all your time worrying about the anxieties of life, the coming of the kingdom of God will snap your ankle like a bear trap. If you live on the planet Earth, there's a good chance you'll see it happen.

Be always on the watch, and pray that you might escape what's about to happen, and also that you'll be able to stand before Jesus when that day comes. I can't speak for anyone but myself, but I don't want to be ashamed in front of Jesus because I didn't stand firm in the face of adversity to my faith.

I need feedback on this one

A gay friend of mine posted as his Facebook status today, "Sometimes I think the best view of God is from Hell."

My immediate response is to get all theological, and explain that's not possible.

Then, it dawns on me that maybe he's writing that as his status because someone told him he was going to burn in Hell because he's gay. My response to that assumption is just as theological; Hell was never intended for people because it's where Satan and his legion of fallen angels are supposed to go. People send themselves to Hell by willfully believing the deceptions Satan has created, and in so doing, rejecting the grace, mercy, and love of God.

But, somehow, I don't think that's the right response either.

I feel like all I'm left with is this advice, "Do it with gentleness and respect" from somewhere in first or second Peter, and then from a few places, "Whatever you do, do in love."

***

I paused while writing this post to read the Bible. I knew I wasn't going to get an answer fast enough from the comments my followers might give me, so I went to God.

When I stopped reading and came back to my laptop to write, I wasn't quite sure what God was telling me. In both Matthew and Luke, I read the story about how the Pharisees claiming Jesus drove out demons because he himself had a demon. It felt like God was saying I should get all philosophical and church-y with my friend, but I knew that couldn't be what God was saying because the very same chapters pointed out just how useless church people can be. I don't think God would have me explaining the finer points of the Bible to someone who's probably never even heard half the stories I would reference.

Just now however, when I looked down to find the reference for a verse in which Jesus said "whoever is not with us is against us", God showed me what I was looking for.

Please, share your thoughts, whatever they are. I'd love to hear your approach, or discuss any bible verses or parts that would influence how you would respond. Thanks.

Spooky Stuff

Everyone has their own ghost story, regardless of whether they believe in ghosts or not. Even the most doubtful skeptic could tell you about a friend or relative who claims to have encountered a ghost. Even so, not a lot is known about ghosts except that it has been scientifically proven unusual changes in the immediate environment occur some of the time a ghost is said to be doing something. TV shows like Sci-Fi's Ghost Hunters try to explain the presence of alleged ghosts through scientific investigation. While they can't define what a ghost is, they usually show how vulnerable we are, if not to ghosts then to fear.

Me, personally, I don't watch shows like Ghost Hunters because I don't like watching anyone take stupid risks. The risk in my mind isn't "Oh geez, they're stupid going looking for something that if it exists could be kind of scary and maybe even dangerous." I feel they'd be safer if they walked up to a sleeping grizzly and poked it with a stick.

I don't doubt ghosts exist, although let me say they are probably not the souls of the dead coming back to haunt their old hideouts. Of course, from a theological standpoint, it might be possible that's what ghosts are, but I'd rather not try to explain on my own why it could be possible given what the bible says about a person's soul and when exactly the soul goes to heaven or hell after the body dies. I'd be happy to share my thoughts on the matter if someone familiar with scripture would like to debate it with me; I know both David and Emerald could if they wanted.

As for what I think ghosts are, that's an easy one. They're instruments of Satan in his war against God, more than likely, literal demons. Most of the time, hauntings do more to divide a family and destroy a person's faith than they do anything else. They're not just playful annoyances that interfere in the lives of a selected minority.

A few years ago, my grandparents lived in a haunted house. It was out in middle-of-nowhere Virginia and was over a 100 years old. I think someone had told me two people had died in the house, both from old age, but I can only be sure of one. While she was living there, my grandma had encountered a fair bit of paranormal activity, including two human forms.

The first encounter was a knock at the front door one day, and when she answered it, apparently there was a little old lady with creepy red eyes and wild white hair just standing there. My grandma tried talking to her, but she didn't say anything back. Eventually, I think my grandma closed the door and went back to what she was doing, praying as she did so.

The other one happened while she was washing dishes once. There was no one in the house except her and her husband, who was asleep and bed-ridden at the time. From the parlor, her piano began playing. Confused, she went to check it out, and saw a farmer in muddy overalls sitting at the bench playing. Yet, the front door was still shut and locked, and there was no way this man could've gotten inside. My grandma got that same feeling she'd had with the other encounter, so she retreated back into the kitchen. When she left, she asked him to close the lid when he was done.

Cherie's also encountered her own fair share of ghostly phenomena, being that she goes to one of the oldest colleges in the country. From the tours she's given me of the campus, pretty much every other building is haunted. Some of them had suicides, some murders, and some other stuff happen in them. The part that freaks her out though is that one night she was out doing something with one of the clubs she's in, and apparently there was an eerie light flickering in one of the third-floor windows of the most haunted building. I think the building was supposed to empty and locked for the night, so they couldn't explain why there was any light at all.

The color still drains from her face when she talks about it.

It's scary stuff to think about, demons and whatnot. I understand entirely why Cherie is so shook up after her experience, and frankly, if I didn't have Jesus, I'd be cowering just by talking about it.

But, with Jesus, it's not me who cowers. After Satan got pwned, Jesus gave his disciples the authority to overcome whatever Satan can throw at them.

Thus, as a believer in Jesus Christ, I've got a bodyguard. I need not fear any demon.

But that's not why I celebrate. I celebrate because I know I'm going to heaven one day.

Ban on the Disembowling of Goats

I can't imagine what it must've been like to be Jesus when he was confronted by the Pharisees or their agents every day. They thought they knew Scripture better than anyone, but at the same time, they were talking to the dude who might as well have written the book they thought they knew.

I bet, in some ways, it was a lot like when someone writes a flamboyant novel or research paper, and then at an interview about it, the reporters barrage him with questions about what his stance is on whatever based on a single line they lifted out of context and used to describe the entire work.

Or, for a better example, imagine Christina Rossetti sitting in a college-level literature classroom as the students discuss what symbols are at work in Goblin Market. The interpretation of the work is not the same as the intention of the work.

Let me get to the point. While reading Matthew today, I read the part where the Pharisees want to know why Jesus is eating with the tax collectors and sinners. Jesus replied with one of my favorite Bible quotes, "It's not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick." The verse that came next surprised me, perhaps because I'm familiar with this story from another gospel where Jesus elaborates more on that point. Here, however, he gives a different explanation than the one I'm familiar with.

He tells the Pharisees to go and research what the Scripture says concerning what God wants, specifically about Him wanting mercy and not sacrifice.

My Bible had a little note on that phrase directing me to Hosea 6:6. Now, I took it upon myself to check it out and see what it meant for myself. Sure, I know what Jesus taught overall, and I've read the Bible enough times I could probably give a convincing answer if someone asked me to explain why God wanted mercy not sacrifice, but I knew deep down that if it were a test question, my essay would be wrong.

I'm okay faking it on a Shakespeare test if I have to, but I don't want to allow myself the same lack of motivation, knowledge, and confidence when it comes to what I believe. My former Shakespeare prof might have been a perfectionist, but God's perfect.

Here's what it means that God wants mercy and not sacrifice, at least my interpretation thereof.

Yeah, sure, God allows us to have ups and downs in life, but even when we're down in the dumps, we have the promise of eternity in heaven with God by the death and resurrection of Jesus.

Since we have such a hope, we should praise the Lord, giving him all the credit that's due, cause God's not going to leave us high and dry.

But, we need to be careful not to get too religious and too dependent upon our rituals. When we bury God beneath going to church on Sunday or doing a daily devotion, we lose track of what God wants for us.

Tithing more and slaughtering sheep aren't what brings us close to God. To know God is to imitate God, and God is a loving and merciful God. It stands to reason that God wants us to love and forgive one another, just as he loves and forgives us. He also wants us to acknowledge his presence in our lives.

Sadly, we've all done wrong and broken faith with God. As much in our society today as in that of the Israelites, we've let our leaders and our religion distract us from God's true intentions. We've lusted after people who aren't our partner; we might as well have screwed the most attractive of them.

In order for us to be fruitful, it's necessary that our crimes and wrongdoings come out, even if only through our confession of them. It's easy to forget God knows what we've done wrong, whether or not we want to admit it ourselves.

Every one has one sin they're guilty of, be it befriending the world, burning with sexual passion for the wrong someone, getting hammered at a wild party, feeling a tad homoerotic, or simply forgetting God would help if asked.

We're supposed to stand out from the crowd, living as beacons of light to an otherwise dark world. Because we trust in God and have Jesus as out Lord and Savior, we're supposed to be completely different than who we were before we believed and repented.

Don't let your self-confidence and pride mess you up; if you're not careful, you might forget God did everything in your life, not you.

Know what you believe and don't get lured off the path by a cluster of sweet berries just a step or two away. They're poison. Can't you see the skeletons piled around the bush?

Stop complaining about your so-called hopeless situation. Use the gifts God gave you to make the world a better place, not to get rich quick.

(Psst, I think God's trying to get your attention. You might want to see what he has to say--it looks important.)

Don't worry about whatever religious practice you think usurps them all. It doesn't. What matters is forgiving whoever hurt you the way God forgave you when you hurt Him.

With you in Spirit

With the coming of the internet age, it's not six degrees of separation any more. It's four clicks to Facebook. At first, the internet was limited to computers, but people soon found they wanted to stay up to date with their friends wherever they went. Here, where I live, nearly everyone under the age of 45 has a smart phone, making it possible to have the world in your pocket.

Sometimes, I wonder though, how in a world of global connectivity, can we share our faith and reflect Jesus? I've always been of the mindset that you can't show someone what God has done in your life unless you show them who you are first. It's always been a struggling point for me, like when I would go to a new church or encounter a sidewalk preacher; I had trouble accepting their message--even if I knew it to be biblically sound--if I didn't see their personality and some of who they were at the same time.

For me, it certainly doesn't seem possible to have the same impact on people's lives through an instant message or Facebook wall that you would have in person. I know some people can do it, but it doesn't feel like what I'm good at. The fact I have a follower I've never personally met continues to amaze me.

Even though I don't feel like a great christian light in this world of wires, I try. Whether it's keeping this blog alive, or doing a bible study through texting, or reaching out when I can to pray for believers and nonbelievers alike, I do my best. Naturally, I prefer interacting in person, but that's not always going to be possible for everyone we've ever met.

You know, even though the only way early Christians could bridge the gap was a donkey moseying to the next town, they managed to keep in touch.

Look at Paul, Christianity's very own go-to guy. Because of him, more than half the New Testament shows us how we can love others without seeing them in person. Paul loved the churches so much, he wrote them frequently to encourage and instruct them.

One trick you can use to reach out to your friends and acquaintances whom you wouldn't normally see, is through prayer. Epaphras certainly had the right idea.

Of course, the surplus of technology and ways to communicate should only help you when you're comforting others. We've all had one of those moments when we see a friend is hurting just from the way they wrote that text message. It sounds impossible, and we can't explain it, but somehow, it happens every now and then. If we're able to discern or suspect something might be awry with our closest friends, because maybe their smiley faces are more frowney and tearful, we should offer whatever comforts we can. Don't be limited by 160 characters--that's what elipses are for.

Remember how Jesus said if two people agree upon anything they ask for, it will be done by God the Father? This rule still applies even if said people aren't in the same room. Therefore, we should continue to share our prayer needs with one another even when we're only able to talk in short email conversations.

Although it is possible to spread the good news through virtual mediums, we should make every effort to see one another.

Whatever you do, do it in love.

Feel Good Drag

One of my favorite songs, "Feel Good Drag" by Anberlin, is all about sexual temptation and to some extent, avoiding it altogether. It's hard to seriously analyze the lyrics while headbanging.

However, the song brings up a good point. As enticing as a porn model, stripper, or would-be mistress can be, they're almost always our greatest failure. Of course, I'm speaking on behalf of the guys out there, because I do not know much about women's sexual urges other than they exist and they are in another dimension entirely. That much I have gained from talking to female friends.

It's okay Crystal, go ahead and make a "Jonathan is a lady's man" joke--I could hear one coming as I wrote the above sentence.

Ahem, back on topic, I'm writing about this particular vice because I realized how entrapping a French film I was watching yesterday really was. In case you didn't know, French movies tend to show a lot more skin than most American movies. That's not why I always record them on TV when I find them, but it's something I've had to accept. The movie I was watching wasn't like most French movies, with a few scenes of artful sexuality and/or nudity. Naturally, the sex and nudity was present, but I wish there'd been less.

I should have been clued in early on when the main actress disrobed entirely and the camera angles didn't bother glorifying it the way French movies normally do. Like an hour and something later, came the first sex scene. I was surprised by how raunchy it was, but I shrugged it off as simply artistic license. Regardless of the smutty style the sex scenes were done in, I was prepared to sit through the rest of the movie so I could listen to their accents.

Four sex scenes later, each just as graphic and erotic as the first, I realized I was watching porn with a barely-there storyline. Like, it had just enough romance for me to imagine a French couple watching it together to turn the heat up on a cozy night. It was sweet, but not sweet enough for a guy to get all lovey-dovey. In my opinion, the movie intended to arouse and excite the males in the audience.

Although I liked how easily I understood their French, and I liked where the story line was going (once it got going), I decided today it wasn't worth watching any more of. My future girlfriend/wife does not deserve me looking at such things, and even if I am not obligated to her in any shape or form being that I've possibly never even met her, I am obligated to my God.

One of Jesus' most confusing lessons for me is the one about your hand causing you to sin. Jesus said, if your hand causes you to sin, cut it off because it's better to enter heaven maimed then as a sinner.

That's why I deleted it from my DVR without knowing how the story ended, or if the main character ever got pregnant from her cheating lover so her incapable husband would become the legal guardian to an illegitimate son. Oh well. It was just a feel good drag.

Broken Body

I really wanted to write a really good blog entry today, but I'm sorry if this one isn't up to par. I'm exhausted, like you don't even know how physically exhausted I am. I got something like ten hours of sleep last night, and then slept another four hours over the course of five naps throughout the day. Since it's now 4:30, evening will be starting soon (if it hasn't already) and I'm going to do my best to stay awake until near bedtime.

Why am I so physically exhausted? Well, I'm building a Halo Battle Rifle out of an airsoft gun. It's pretty epic.

But that's not why I'm tired, it's just a part of it. I'm tired because for about four hours yesterday, I was out in the garage making the parts I needed for my battle rifle. Despite the fact I do everything in my power to keep the garage clean enough to work in, my dad does not. In fact, my dad has this horrible tendency to take all the tools he'd dragged out to do whatever with, and then pile them in the first open spot he can find whenever he's finished. And he wonders why he can never find his tools, gosh. He also fills the garage so full of clutter and junk that you cannot walk through it without pulling out at least six stacks of whatever.

Now, it would just be irritating if I could move all that stuff out of the garage, put away his tools, and clear me a place to work without actually draining my energy. However, being that I have Muscular Dystrophy, and get tired quickly when walking or standing, I have to dedicate an entire week to get one morning with the space and tools I need to build, invent, fix or tinker properly. I don't mean it takes me that long to get enough of the garage clean to do my thing. I mean that once I've cleared away a tiny workspace, I've already exhausted at least half my energy for the entire day and by that point, I'm committed to doing what I'd set out to.

So today, I'm exhausted. My legs have been hurting and twitching all day, and I can barely walk, and as I mentioned earlier, I've been unable to stay awake. Apparently I looked so bad last night, my mom decided to make me a huge protein-filled breakfast this morning...she went overboard, not that I'm inappreciative.

But yeah, while I was awake today, I spent the day listening to my favorite Christian rock bands, and playing video games. Mostly, I spent sleeping.

If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go sleep again.

Unsure of the meaning

Although this blog probably makes it look like I know what I'm talking about when it comes to what the Bible says, I'd like to make it clear I don't understand everything in the Bible. I don't mean little things like who possibly could have found Cain after he killed Abel. I'm talking about some specific things Jesus did.

Why, for instance, did Jesus command some of the people he healed to go tell people about the miracle that he'd performed and then why did he tell some of the others not to? Me personally, I would think God would be glorified every time someone told about Jesus healing them by the power of God. This question matters to me if only because I feel what God has done for me through my disability is my way of telling people about my faith; my disability is also the reason for my faith.

Look at the story of the deaf and mute man in Mark 7. Jesus came to a region known as the Ten Cities (not unlike the region I personally live in, known locally as the Seven Cities). A few people brought a man to Jesus who couldn't hear and who could barely talk. They were convinced if Jesus touched the man, he would hear and talk.

Jesus took the man aside, putting some space between him and the crowd, and he healed him by sticking his fingers in his ears and spitting on his tongue. When I read this part today, I had a dyslexic moment and I thought I was seeing Jesus give the guy a wet-willy, but alas, it was just a miracle.

I think Jesus was getting a little exasperated by this point, you know, having already healed so many people. Maybe these people didn't really care about their friend but they just wanted to see the only deaf guy they knew healed as a parlor trick. It might explain why Jesus sighed.

Tadaa! The man could hear and talk now!

The next verses seem almost counter-intuitive; Jesus commanded them not to tell anyone, but the more he did so, the more they kept talking about it. I had a hard time with this, because here, Jesus just gave a dude the ability to speak, and it felt like he was saying right afterwards, "Oh, by the way, don't tell anyone what I just did for you." It seems like this because the previous paragraph ended while talking about the man who received his hearing and ability to speak, so naturally one assumes the paragraph following that sentence would relate to him.

You have to look back at verse 32 and then at the next verse to realize that the ambiguous pronoun "them" is probably talking about the crowd of people who'd brought the man to Jesus, not necessarily the man. Yes, Jesus is amazing, but because the people were swooning that Jesus was able to work his magic on a deaf guy, well, it sounds an awful lot like Dean Cain from "Ripley's Believe It or Not" was somewhere nearby.

Because it's not immediately apparent what Jesus said to the person he'd helped, it's feasible Jesus hadn't told him to keep quiet. I still don't understand why Jesus tells some miracle recipients not to tell the world what happened, but God helped me see today that in this case, it was the man's friends who were shushed.

A change in tone, a change in life

Recently, Hollywood produced an intense thriller/horror movie titled "Legion." Although I didn't see the film myself, I can tell you from the trailers what inspired the name. Unless I'm mistaken, the movie was about demons and the coming of Christ/the apocalypse. Assuming I'm correct, I'd postulate the story was named after the demons whom once had possessed a man during Jesus' day; together, all the demons called themselves Legion.

This story appears in three of the four gospels but I think Mark showed it nicely.

The man possessed by Legion lived in the outskirts of Gerasenes and his story is important because it shows the difference in a person's life after an encounter with Jesus.

Sometimes, it's easy to dismiss a person's testimony as valid or worthwhile because we just don't think they were a bad enough person--but oh how in awe of God we stand when a former drag queen or heroin junkie shares what God has done for them. With this guy, we not only see how low on the social totem pole he was, but we can also see ourselves down there with him.

This man had problems. He avoided people as much as he could, shown by his living in a graveyard of all places, and when he did run into someone at the market or wherever, he had a tendency to get arrested. When his hands and feet would be chained, he found ways to break free, usually by wrestling with his restraints and those trying to subdue him until he finally broke loose. In other words, he was one of those crazy people who would get jabbed with a sedative even while he was in a straight jacket. From a secular standpoint, it's not clear what was making him looney but maybe he was doping up on some opium or he spent too much time picking the weed from the wheat.

As if his bad trips or psychotic episodes weren't enough, this guy was clinically depressed. All day, he'd cry and moan and wail in despair, and when his situation was more than he could bear (which it usually was), he would carve his own flesh for the sake of relief. That's right, he was a cutter, and he might even have been suicidal.

Note the change in the next verses. While the previous ones described habitual actions, the next few describe one brief interaction with Jesus. That's all it takes for those who are willing to change.

When the man was at his lowest point, at his darkest hour, that's when he found hope. From a distance, he saw Jesus and something deep inside him stirred. Like many of us, the man was afraid of the bubbling sensation welling up in the pit of his stomach, the goosebumps prickling the hairs on his arms and legs, and the helplessness he felt as the last remnants of his former self gurgled down the drain. He reacted in anger and confusion, pleading to know why Jesus would want a wretch like him.

And Jesus gave him the power to change from the wild, uncontrollable beast he had been before. He cast out the demon.

But the man didn't struggle with just one demon; there were many. The same is true for us because there's never just one area of our life that needs work, one sin that needs repenting from.

Because of the power of Jesus, the man's problems went away. His insanity and self-worth issues drowned entirely, and he found healing in Jesus. He put on clothes and he turned his life around entirely, a complete about-face.

When a person accepts Jesus into their life, the person they become is a stark contrast to the person they were. When people see this, they talk amongst themselves, and slowly, they are curious about what happened. It startles many people to see that Jesus turned the sinner they knew into the saint they see, even today.

People never know how to react when they encounter Jesus' great love and power, so they do the only thing they know how. They drive Jesus away, in the case of this man, literally, but in our lives, we see them try to push Jesus out of the picture by tempting us with the sin that dominates their lives. Sin separates us from God, and remember that it was while the man was still living in sin that he was at distance from Jesus.

The man, like anyone who has experienced Jesus one-on-one, craved more. He was on top of the world, and as far as he was concerned, Jesus was the way, the truth, and the life. The passion the man showed is characteristic of all recent converts, and for many believers, it's as inspiring as it is humbling. If only we could reignite the fire we had when we first believed, we'd be so much happier with where God leads us.

Jesus told the man to go tell his story, being sure to include how much the Lord did for him, and how God had mercy on him. Interestingly, Jesus didn't tell the man to go to church on Sundays, or to worship him or any of that jazz. He just instructed the dude to share his testimony.

The instructions Jesus gave apply to us also. Because we have been forgiven and cleansed of our many, many sins, we are obligated to tell our family and friends what God has done in our lives. We don't need some big long sermon about repentance or salvation. All we need to do to share the good news in which we place our faith, is to look at what God has done in our own life. No one can tell you your testimony is not true, because it's what actually happened how you believe it happened.

I bet you'll be surprised what happens when you share what God has done in your life. The people are amazed.

Spiritual Warfare

In every comic book and most movies, there's usually an epic battle of good vs evil. Most of the time, this is the foundation of the entire storyline. Sometimes however, the conflict of good vs evil takes second place to the actual story.

In the Bible is a clear picture of the battle between good and evil, or more specifically between God and Satan. Unlike most examples of good-vs-evil, the Bible does not revolve around it. The conflict of good and evil in the Bible is superceded by the story of God's love and compassion for everything he created.

However, because the conflict of good and evil in the Bible involves one of the parties being the creator of the universe, it goes without saying that it's not a pretty fight.

Logistically speaking, the two warring armies are set up similarly. On God's side, there's God the Father at the top, then Jesus just below him as the Commander of the Lord's Army, which I'm like ninety percent sure is composed of angels and all born-again believers.

On the dark side, there's the accuser/deceiver (aka Satan), his demons, and every human they can get to sin and thus forsake God. Interestingly, and tragically, even born-again believers are used by Satan to attack God, because though our sins are forgiven we've not been made into sinless beings yet.

It's horrible to think about, but in that respect, we're like double agents who work for both sides simultaneously. Or, it's like we're out there on the battlefield with Jesus and his entire army, and while we're in the midst of the fray, we randomly shank our battle buddy. Metaphorically speaking, that's what happens every time we falter in our walk.

A common tactic used by Satan's forces is to slam us with circumstances beyond our control, such as physical illness, financial distress, marital problems, etc. Each of these things has the potential to force us to question God, or take control of our lives, or to put it more simply, to sin. Yet, Satan was defeated before he even got going.

Obviously, the true Christian's ultimate goal is to be close to God, not to be outwitted by the devil's schemes. As soldiers on the battlefield right now, it is imperative that we endure whatever struggles we're facing and keep our eyes on God, that he may be a banner to guide us, a flag to which we owe our allegiance.

Marines don't get deployed to the Sandbox without a rifle, a Kevlar vest, and a helmet. If they've got so much armor to confront a mere terrorist, God's soldiers need even more to take on Satan and his forces of evil. When we get shot at, we need the full protection of God's armor, not only to survive the fight but to hold down the fort.

Our utility belt comes from the truth of God, and our flak jacket is a life that reflects Jesus. Protecting our feet are the combat boots ready to step where God tells us. A soldier needs faith in his air support, so that when he's being shot at from all directions he can keep his focus, knowing an Apache helicopter will take care of the enemy's bullets.

Any soldier will tell you, your helmet is your salvation and you always take it with you, the same goes for your rifle. As soldiers of God, our M16 is our Bible. While on patrol, a soldier's job is to remain alert and radio the commanding officer about whatever is happening. From the moment we accept Christ, we're all on patrol.

I hope this blog entry will help inspire at least one person to fight the good fight.

God Created Women Too

Lots of people wrongfully claim the Bible does not advocate feminism, and some might even go as far as to say it mandates male dominance. Yes, it's true some parts of the Bible have a distinctly masculine flair to them, especially to our modern grasp of what was written. That being said, the apparent repression of women in the Bible can usually be attributed to the patriarchal cultures in which the Bible was written; because of the way their society was set up, of course they leaned away from what we would call a feminist perspective.

That is not to say that women were valued any less as people.

Perhaps one reason people assume the Bible represses women is because they often look at the role of both men and women outside of the main context their roles are defined. We know that man was created in God's image, and because woman came from man, she too is a reflection of God. Together in marriage, the two roles form another reflection, this one of the Trinity of God. The man is supposed to love and serve his wife, while his wife is supposed to respect the man's authority as head of the family, yet she does this as an equal. Even together, they cannot do it without God, and so they must also invite God into their relationship.

The Trinity, made of God the Father, God the Son (Jesus), and the Holy Spirit operates in exactly the same way. While all three entities are equal in power and authority, the latter two willingly submit to the authority of God the Father. They do so out of love, even though both Jesus and the Holy Spirit are just as capable of creating the universe, performing miracles, and playing God as God the father is.

Because they are equals, and because marriage is a reflection of that, the husband and wife should also be equal to one another.

With that established, we can look at what the Bible says specifically about and towards women.

It seems, according to Isaiah 32 that both men and women, and quite possibly the relationship of the two, play a pivotal role in spreading the word about God's love. Whereas the man should walk in the Lord's footsteps, by helping the needy and living as Jesus did, the women should not be complacent when they see their families falling apart or their husbands falling to sin. In essence, they too must live for the Lord, placing God above everything else. Their reward for putting God first, an inner peace, a quiet confidence, and a secure home.

Just like the men, the women were expected to put God first. In some ways, their task was more difficult, because they not only had to keep tabs on themselves, but also on their husbands, being sure both were right with the Lord. As shown in the aforementioned chapter, men are to do the Lord's work outside the family, such as with friends, neighbors, etc, and women, it seems, should do the Lord's work predominantly with their children. In this way, neither party is being unfruitful for the Lord, and they both are expected to lay down their lives for the Lord if they have to.

This is shown again almost at the very end of the Bible. The entire book of 2 John is directed towards a lady friend of Johns. He starts out by applauding the woman's work in raising her children in the Lord. John shows us in the next sentence that women are obligated to obey the same commandments as men, that we should all love one another.

Surprisingly, there is also a warning against complacency in this letter. John warns his female friend of the deceivers out in the world, and he expressly forbids her from letting them come into her home and destroying all she'd done in the name of Christ. She is to have no part in any false teaching. None whatsoever.

While women should be gentle in nature, they have a job to do just as important as the one men have. Both men and women share in doing the Lord's work, and both men and women follow the same commandments. Both were made by God, and both serve the same God. Personally, I think that's all that matters.

Thoughts about prayer

For some reason, whenever a sunday school teacher asks if there are any volunteers to do the opening or closing prayer, I never stick my hand up.

I don't know why I'm so hesitant to pray around other people. It's weird. I don't have a problem praying for others, especially when I hear a specific prayer request or see a need for prayer in the lives of my friends, but I don't pray well in a group. Maybe I'm self-conscious or doubt I can pray in that holy prayer language pastors and certain church members have mastered. When I pray, I pray what I'm thinking, and for me, it's no less reverent to talk to God in simple words and clean slang than it is to say something "churchy".

You know what I'm talking about. Don't pretend you've never wondered if there's a Praying 101 you missed out on. It's amazing how the same churchy prayers can sound relevant in almost any situation; often, they're vague and general enough to fit

Churchy prayers are cool and all, but no one says, "we thank you for the opportunity to study your Word from the provided lesson," or "we ask that in your most Holy Name, you bless us as we fellowship together," out in the real world. I know I don't. If I were to pray churchy prayers, I believe I would be wasting God's time because such prayers wouldn't be real to me, and hence, the same would be true for God.

For the important prayers, I like to pray alone in my room with as much quiet as I can get. Even though it sounds all organized and logical when I say it like that, I assure you, my prayers are very ADHD. I don't make this huge list and knock out all my praying in one go; I stop whatever I'm doing during the day the instant I think of another major prayer need.

The reasons to pray vary. There are lots of circumstances in which prayer is appropriate, but some of the more popular ones are in times of trouble or if you or someone you love is sick. One thing worth praying for is that you might recognize opportunities to share your faith and that when the opportunity presents itself, you have the necessary courage to speak out.

It's important to pray for each other, including your family, peers, and your closest Christian friends. In fact, praying for those around will leave you feeling happier and closer to God than you would have felt otherwise.

Prayer isn't restricted to spiritual stuff. You can pray about anything that crosses your mind, be it serious or goofy.

Some of my silliest prayers are for my favorite maps in Call of Duty to come up when I play the game, or for my least favorite maps to be voted out when they come up. Believe it or not, every time I pray for either thing, God does it; some of these maps are almost always skipped, or preferred, so it's a very unlikely coincidence!

Ahem, Jesus made it clear that when you pray, if you believe, you will receive.

I'm not going to go into detail about all the big things I'm praying for right now, because that's between me and God. I would like to talk about some of the personal ones God answered for me in the past few days--sorry, no more video game prayers.

In the past week, Emerald told me she felt we needed some distance between us, breathing room, if you will. I agreed, but immediately found I was sitting at home all the time while most of my friends were at work or wherever. I was going stir crazy.

I've also been rather sad lately because of how long it had been since I'd gotten hugged by a friend or had held a girl's hand. Little things, yes, but when almost the past month was spent exhausted, I wanted nothing more. MD is very good at making me feel alone.

Choosing God rather than depression, I prayed. I think I asked for God to remind me how close my friends were to me. Also, I asked for the chance to experience a girl's affections soon, even if this girl wasn't destined to be my long term partner. I wasn't asking to be tempted by sex or a make-out session; I prayed to avoid that entirely. Female companionship, if you will.

God answered both those prayers the next day.

David spontaneously invited me over to his house for a mini video game party. There, I got to spend time with him, Crystal, and also an old French partner, Christine. It was their environment, and each of them were happy to be there. It was good to spend time around Christine again, and meet her fiancé, whom I'd heard so much about. Despite the fact that I have absolutely no skills whatsoever in Smash Brothers, I had a lot of fun.

That evening, Cherie and I had agreed to hang out. After dinner, we started talking and eventually got on the topic of her ex-boyfriends. She needed to release a lot of pent-up stress over the two of them, particularly Matt. Through her talking, I kept hugging her, and we eventually ended up sitting on the couch holding one another. At one point, she made sure I knew she didn't want to go out with me (in case we ever broke up) but when she saw I wasn't trying to ask her out, she relaxed next to me. Most of the night, we spent watching two soccer matches and talking about what a butthead Matt was.

She told me she is normally bored out of her mind during the day (since she works weekends), and we made plans to start hanging out all the time until the end of summer.

I'm not sure whether to give God a standing ovation or to bow down before his amazingness.

Love is all you need

If God is love, then it's true, love really is all you need.

Bear in mind, there's a difference between real, biblical love, and the popular definition of love used by today's society, cupid, and highschoolers.

Although Paul's explanation of love covers a lot of what would constitute a happy romance, nowhere in that entire chapter on love, is it specified that love is only for couples. The truth is his words on love can be applied to all circumstances where love is required.

My buddy Jesus taught entire sermons around one statement, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and love your neighbor as yourself." The only way we can show we love God is to walk in obedience to his commandments, by a conscious choice. The most important commandment is of course to love the Lord, but the next one echoes what Jesus said about loving your neighbor.

Before you start thinking your neighbor is the shmuck next door (or across the street if you need to gossip), you should understand who else we're told to love. For one, Jesus taught that we need to love our enemies and pray for those who mistreat us. True, "enemies" is such a strong word, (in this context meaning the Greek word echthros; a foe, adversary, or one who gives reason for enmity or hatred--thanks Emerald! Love the concordance!), and most of us just aren't lucky enough to have any enemies. We can't all know supervillians, unfortunately. So, for those of us sans enemies, there's always the friend or brother or in-law who does something that drives us up the wall. If you love him/her, forgive them.

While we're talking about love, I'd also like to bring up love's superlative, that is, the most love you can ever show and the most love ever shown. If you love someone, you are willing to sacrifice everything for them, be it your social life, your physical strength, your money, or whatever. But, the biggest sacrifice you can make for love is to forfeit your own life for someone's benefit or protection. That's one reason I have such a profound respect for soldiers and sailors, but of course only one reason.

Back to what I was saying, the biggest demonstration of love ever shown was when Jesus died on the cross. Nothing tops that.

It's encouraging to remember what Jesus did for us, isn't it? Nothing can get me down when I'm thinking that, and I pray that for any one who reads this, they might find the same comfort, the same solidarity, the same hope.