According to my newsfeed, today is coming out day. I think that means if you're gay, or you feel that way sometimes, or you want to be accepted in that community, you're supposed to use today as an opportunity to tell the world you're coming out as homosexual.
I don't really know how it's supposed to work.
So I could write a better blog entry, I did a little research on the history of today being Coming Out Day. Apparently, this date was chosen because of a famous march on Washington by the LGBT community back in the late eighties. I'm not really sure. I did use Wikipedia, after all.
According to my women's studies professor, straight people are actually discriminating against homosexuals if they never come out as straight. The idea is something like because heterosexuality is the norm, people automatically assume attraction to the opposite sex is expected, and if that is not the case, the inherent awkwardness oppresses the homosexual, bisexual, and transsexual communities. So, I think the reasoning is if homosexual people have to come out as homosexual in order for their sexual orientation to be recognized by society, the sexual orientation of every other living human on the planet must be called into question or declared "undecided" or something.
For me, that's just weird.
Just trying to explain how not coming out as straight, gay, bi, or single-and-loving-it discriminates against gay people confused me so much, I'm not even sure my explanation made sense.
(If someone out there reading this understands how it's supposed to work better than I do, please, do share.)
Why do people have to come out at all? Every gay person I know has told me, "It's not always about sex" so why make it about sex? Doesn't coming out as homosexual imply something other than just a feeling for the same sex? Not to downplay any of the discrimination and oppression homosexuals face on a day-to-day basis, but maybe part of the reason straight people don't come out is because they "do it" behind closed doors.
Coming out as straight would be like, "I'm sexually attracted to women, (and I like it woman-on-top)." Granted, the statement I just made is a tad exaggerated, but it needs to be in order to compare to the stigmata associated with being gay. Even before I started taking women's studies, I knew if you said you were gay, people concluded you liked it Brokeback Mountain style.
Do you see my point?
There's nothing wrong with coming out, in my opinion. I've had people come out to me before, a few times as one of their first supporters, but I don't understand why people come out.
Perhaps, perhaps it's a matter of self-confidence, and accepting who you are?
Assuming that's what it's all about, then yes, I think coming out is important. Knowing who you are is absolutely essential in day-to-day life, and it's also important to make it clear to others.
Please allow me the opportunity to come out to you, to be as honest and frank as I can muster.
I, Jonathan, am coming out about who I am, not just the me people see, but the me on the inside, the real, nothing-to-hide me.
I am a terrible person inside. Jealousy, rage, and passionate sexual urges consume me. Every day, I struggle not to think more highly of myself than I should, or harangue some poor soul taking the elevator up one floor even though the stairs are empty and two of the three elevators are broke-down. It's not just the elevators either. Stand in my wheelchair's blindspot, and I'm liable to shove you to the ground even after you come into my field of vision.
My own insecurities leave me feeling clingy, unwanted, thirsty for companionship in any form. Sure, I've got my "good person" moments too, but can they really make up for all the darkness that is inside me? Karma doesn't work like a see-saw, and even if it did, I doubt my good deeds could ever balance out my bad deeds. This isn't some brainwashed religious dogma forcing me to feel guilty over imagined and contrived wrongdoings some preacher shouted at me from his wooden podium. This is me recognizing the hurt I've had no problem causing too many times.
I'm still ashamed of the tears people cried because of me. There was one dude when I was younger, Kyle, he just wanted to play basketball with three other dudes at church and I. I told him no way because it would unbalance the teams. He went home from vacation bible school early that day, crying.
Truth is, I'm not worth the chewed gum stuck to the heel of my boot. In the sight of a perfect, blameless God, I am nothing. Let me come out and say, I am a sinner saved by the love, power, and grace of Jesus.
Happy coming out day.
